6. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Red Sonja
Following the critical and commercial drubbing it received upon release, Schwarzenegger put his opinion of
Red Sonja in the plainest of terms: ''It's the worst film I've ever made. Now, when my kids get out of line, they're sent to their room and forced to watch
Red Sonja ten times.'' While this may redefine the term 'cruel and unusual punishment', one wonders just what crimes they'd have to commit in order to endure an eleventh viewing. Schwarzenegger plays Lord Kalidor, a Hyborian warrior tasked with rescuing Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen who, in her first starring role, bagged a Razzie for her efforts) from the evil Queen Gedren and returning her to her sister,Varna (Janet Agren). It's essentially
Conan III in all but name. And perhaps we could dismiss it as just another swords and sorcery epic, or even admire its low-budget ambition, were it not for the terrible acting and plodding storyline. Arnie has little to do but swing his broadsword into anything that moves, most memorably a metallic sea monster known as the 'Icthyan Killing Machine', but it's clear to see that he's not enjoying himself. Not even a kiss from Sylvester Stallone's wife can cheer him up. It's not all bad, though, as Ennio Morricone continues his run of providing decent scores for half-decent Eighties films. Let's hope that the remake, rumoured to have
Con Air director Simon West at the reins, isn't half as bad.