Trash is not necessarily a bad thing in a movie. Of course there are irredeemably trashy movies which are just plain awful, but then there are the transcendental trashy movies produced by directors such as Ed Wood, Doris Wishman, John Waters, H G Lewis and Troma. These directors manage to capture a weird quirk or a sincere passion for film making which is infectious, despite their shoddiness. Such films are a joy for fans of low rent cinema. I have listed below nine trash masterpieces which we should kneel before like Magi, such is their entertainment value.
9. Come Play With Me (1977)
A British entry into the trash stakes, I used to find this film quite repellant, but I found my copy of Come Play With Me (which I got on a collect the coupons special from the Daily Sport!) the other day and I watched it and reappraised it. I actually found it quite entertaining. Total garbage but unintentionally funny. The plot is pretty basic. Cornelius Clapworthy and Maurice Kelly are two hoary old men who specialise in forgery and have spread illegal bank notes all over the UK. They are on the run from their gangster boss and an effete, cross dressing copper. They hide out in the Scottish Highlands in Bovington Manor - a B&B run by Lady Bovington. Pretending to be musicians, Clapworthy and Kelly resume their forgery, hiding the sound of the printing press by singing 'O For the Wings of a Dove'. The scarcely frequented manor is visited by Rodney, Lady Bovington's choreographer nephew and his troupe of dancing girls. The girls agree to help Lady Bovington, and with little distress they don nurses' uniforms and agree to run a brothel in the manor. Business sure picks up but Clapworthy and Kelly's antics are about to catch up with them... The shenanigans of Clapworthy and Kelly are deeply unsexy and lend the film a vaudeville touch which is at odds with the sexual goings on. But never mind all the hoary old British comics in the movie, the best thing about it is the appearance of British sex siren Mary Millington. Although she is only in it briefly, she lights up the screen with her sexual charisma. The film was marketed (by porn baron David Sullivan who was behind the movie and was also the then boyfriend of Mary Millington) as a steamy sex film. Audiences were instead treated to a piece of cheesy trash. Hardcore inserts had been shot for the film, but due to Britain's notoriously stringent anti-porn laws at the time (widely known as the 'Limp D*ck Laws'), viewers saw a very tame version of the film. A multitude of cuts of the film exist. Whichever one you pick up, the film is an interesting relic of a more innocent age, when the British were grateful for the merest hint of sex in their movies. It is a remarkable trash curio.