Unlike Danny Glover, Bruce Willis is quite clearly not too old for this s**t, because Valentine’s Day 2013 will see the release of the fifth in the jibe heavy Die Hard series; A Good Day To Die Hard. Love them or hate them, each Die Hard movie has its own very special time and place in our lives, and John McClane is, quite frankly, as legitimately lasting as any James Bond, John Rambo or T-101.
The last time Bruce Willis visited his career-making role was in 2007’s Live Free Or Die Hard (Die Hard 4.0) and it felt like it may well have been the last time we said goodbye to New York’s finest detective. However, despite the film’s lukewarm reception, 20th Century Fox felt there was enough bite left in the old dog to revive him for another outing.
It is difficult to tell just yet, but if the trailers are anything to go by, this could well be the best McClane adventure since the original incarnation. And chances are that A Good Day To Die Hard will bring in enough profit to warrant a sixth outing. The question is; where do we go from here?
Well dear reader – behold my five suggestions of pun filled, and increasingly outlandish suggestions for the speculative Die Hard 6. Welcome to the party pal.
5. Die Hardest
2 out of the 5 Die Hard movies have involved the Gruber clan, so it would make perfect sense for that tyrannical German bloodline to crop up again. Following whatever state McClane and his bambinos are left in after Die Hard 5, number 6 could see them taking on the remnant of Hans and Simon’s family – Taken 2 style, except…you know…watchable. Cue the Beethoven, “Yippee Ki-Yay”, and helicopter explosions.
With A Good Day To Die Hard moving outside American boarders to Russia, maybe we could have Die Hardest take place in Berlin or Munich. I can see it now; McClane speeding down the Autobarn in a Mercedes with the German equivalent of Argyle trying a Bratverst and saying they have nothing on a good old New York hotdog.
Germany is home of the Christmas tree, so it would be a great chance to get the franchise back to its festive roots. In fact, it even paves the way for the final death scene; a Christmas tree littered with the last remaining Grubers, all shot up and dead. Frohe Weihnachten, b****es.
Tagline: Welcome To A Nation With Feet Smaller Than Your Sister
This article was first posted on February 1, 2013