DVD Review: Kill Keith
Never again will the silver screen be graced with the presence of Keith Chegwin, Tony Blackburn and Joe Pasquale together in one movie. Does Kill Keith live up to its epic potential ?
rating: 1.0
When you first lay your eyes on the DVD case for Kill Keith (depicting TV's Keith Chegwin in Uma Thurmans Kill Bill garb and wielding a samurai sword) you really hope that what lies within will be gloriously inspired rather than unspeakably awful. Lets face it, the idea of a slasher movie starring various TV-AM Z-listers being killed off by an unknown Breakfast Cereal Killer is a fun idea, no matter how cringeworthy. Sadly, Kill Keith squanders any of its potential novelty value by being a confused and unfunny mess, which is somehow far worse on screen than it possibly ever sounded on paper. Marc Pickering stars as Danny, a clumsy but well-intentioned runner on a breakfast TV show hosted by glamorous presenter Dawn (Susanna Fielding). Crudely named The Crack of Dawn - a gag once used in The Office to highlight David Brents idiocy - the hit show is co-hosted by the arrogant Cliff (David Easter), who is preparing to leave the show under a whirlwind of publicity. However, all of this is quickly overshadowed by a string of grisly murders, with the nations TV personalities being gruesomely killed off by a masked assailant. Will Danny and Dawn get together ? Will the killer be apprehended ? Will this tripe ever end ? Aside from the amateurish production values, cheap special effects and flat humour, Kill Keiths problems stem mostly from its tiresome script. The plot never feels cohesive, often sporadically shifting in tone between a gory slasher film and a dull romantic comedy, stuffed to the brim with dumb sex gags that Robin Askwith would have balked at. Its even possible to forget while watching Kill Keith that theres supposed to a serial killer on the loose, as it spends a torturous amount of time with a far less interesting romantic subplot between Danny, Dawn and a pair of comedy knickers.
Perhaps there is some fun to be had in seeing Z-listers like Joe Pasquale, Tony Blackburn and Russell Grant (Winner of worst ever box-art for a videogame) hamming it up to 11. Youve also got to give them kudos to them for not taking a salary for their work on the film, and in-turn granting it with the free publicity that undoubtedly led to its limited cinema release. Unfortunately the whole thing lumbers along without a single major laugh or moment of excitement - despite director Andy Thompsons best attempts to spruce things up with Sam Raimi-esque whip pans and kinetic zooms. Maybe the problems with Kill Keith would be forgivable had it actually packed in a few decent chuckles. Sadly, other than the sight of Joe Pasquale eating a banana in a monkey costume, theres not a sausage. A particular gag involving Tony Blackburn and a look-alike is so offensively bad that you even question if it is actually a gag and not a last minute solution to a production gaffe. Alongside the alarmingly slim laugh rate, the fact that a film called Kill Keith spends nearly all of its time with a boring and unconvincing romantic subplot is simply unforgivable. Its always a shame to have to criticise a low-budget British film - especially in the wake of David Camerons ignorant comments about the UK film industry - but Kill Keith is really bottom of the barrel stuff. Its hard to believe that this was one of the rare few projects that received funding, let alone find its way onto the shelves of your local HMV. Avoid it like you would an image of Keith Chegwins flaccid penis from Channel 5s infamous nudist reality show 'Naked Jungle'. 
Extras
Nada. Nothing here whatsoever other than the feature.
________ Kill Keith is available on DVD now