Rating: The Last Witch Hunter is such a bore that it's much more fun to play "Why Did This Actor Willingly Choose To Star In This Dross" than actually watch the drivel on screen. And it turns out the same is true of reviewing the film; I could go on and on about incomprehensible action and the forced, over-explained 'subtext' in every single scene, but the real heart of the problem with this modieval (modern plus medieval, geddit?) fantasy lies in the motivations behind its casting. Some of the reasoning is easy to figure out. Michael Caine has never shied away from doing any old tat for the money, and as his role here basically requires him to either sit about looking old or play dead it's a plum job. And Rose Leslie,Ygritte on Game Of Thrones, clearly knows nothing, taking a supporting role here as a good witch out of a misguided belief that any role in Hollywood after being unexpectedly killed off (F**k Olly) is a major step on the road to stardom (it isn't). But some are much more perplexing. For example, why on Earth (middle or otherwise) is Elijah Wood in this? It can't be because he read the script and though he was signing on for a genre classic - his character, a liaison between witches and humans (and a successor to Caine) is the worst written part of the lot. At this point I'd be inclined to say he just did it for the money, but Wood's not really that sort of guy; instead I'd say he starred in this as a favour to one of the producers. And if he did, they owe him big time. But by far the most interesting and nuanced case (and that's the only time those words will be used to describe the actor) is that of Vin Diesel. I've always felt the star of Riddick (which he fought for years to attain the right for more movies to) and the Fast And Furious franchise (which he genuinely believes is Oscar-worthy) couldn't tell the difference between a good and bad movie, with successes like Saving Private Ryan and Guardians Of The Galaxy mere flukes care of the law of averages, and The Last Witch Hunter seems to explain why. Diesel is a notorious Dungeons And Dragons fan, which speaks volumes about his project choice. He opts for films that rely on imagination, although not outwardly to capture wonder, rather to provide his own internal grounding for the stories. In his mind he's no doubt developed the world of witches trying to take over the Earth (or destroy it, I couldn't quite tell) to the point where it's free of plot holes and contrivances, but he lacks the simple acting ability to convey that on screen. A big part of his character's arc is how he's immortal and thus detached from humanity, but when he's not explicitly talking about how torn up he is, all the attempts to portray that hurt just come across as the same gruff machismo he brings to every role. He clearly wants another massive franchise to rival Fast And Furious (and, in his mind, Riddick); that's not just why he's in the movie, but why the movie exists in the first place. Unfortunately he's so wrapped up in what he's imagined that he can't see it's really just a bit rubbish. The Last Witch Hunter is in cinemas now.
