9. “Why can’t I pick up my enemy’s weapon? I should definitely be able to pick up my enemy’s weapon.”
“Oh, sweet, a katana… I can’t wait to pick that — ”
Slow down, keen gamer. Although video games have improved vastly when it comes to allowing players to take the intimate possessions of somebody they’ve just stabbed in the back of the head, some developers still cling to the idea that, no, somebody just wouldn’t take the much better full-loaded machine gun from a dead soldier and would instead continue using the pistol. I mean, c’mon: it’s not as if we’re asking programmers to design wallets for every dead enemy so that we can decide whether or not to add pictures of their wives to our inventories, we just want to be able to perform a basic human function: stealing weaponry.
Because we all know, as gamers, that there’s nothing more depressing than staring at a huge gun placed right in front of you that - for some unexplained reason – you’re simply not allowed to utilize. Don’t they see how stupid an apparently “cool” protagonist looks if they’re out of ammo and being shot at, yet there’s a perfectly good gun on the ground that the universe just won’t allow them to pick up? The answer, dear developers, is very, very stupid.
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35 Comments
good article.
nothing more annoying than being blocked by a wooden door when you have nades on your person. at least some games allow you to kick them in, well, some of them anyway!
What about ‘food heals you’?
I see skyrim pictured but you can’t really fault that games side quests. Most of them are generated dynamically by the ai so the game never ever runs out of quests
I have a few. Not all games are offenders but they’re kinda common.
1)Shooting padlocks immediately breaks it (myth busted by mythbusters)
2)Enemies getting stronger and faster as you bring their health down. When he’s almost dead, that’s when he turns into his strongest form (makes sense in video games, not much sense in the real world. Why don’t you bring your A game at the beginning?)
3)Shooting an enemy in the foot several times kills the enemy and makes him dead and lose consciousness almost immediately.
4)Scattered collectible items – Your dying friend is like “Come save me!! Hurry” but you’re like “let me search the area for collectible items pick that up first, cuz if I save you, the level might end and I won’t be able to anymore.”
5) Audio journals that makes you sit in that screen and listen to it. I think Doom 3 was the first or one of the first games that lets you keep on playing while the audio journal plays.
6) Usually in RPGs deaths in games could be revived by spells, items, etc, but deaths in cutscenes are permanent, and the characters don’t bother trying to case revive or use phoenix down on them.
7) Autosaving icon appearing before a boss battle/something serious – well that pretty much gives it away, doesn’t it.
X-com games (all the way from UFO Defense up to Enemy Unknown) and Silent Storm have destructible environments (doors, walls, floors, ceilings), which I find quite refreshing (and those games were old too) and has much more strategy.
1) Auto save points in “stealth missions” eg. Ghost Recon: Future soldier. Nearing the end of one said mission which I had not been spotted and done everything right i hit a auto save point just as i went round a corner to face a whole squadren of soldiers who spotted me straight away. “mission over, reload from last check point” which loaded me back into the game, not where the autosave kicked in, but you guessed it right infront of the same soldiers again. Ended up starting the mission again.
2) Came across this on borderlands 2 the other night, ADS of a sniper rifle, saw a enemy in the distance. took the shot, 1 round straight to the head, no damage what so ever. Ran abit closer, another 5 rounds to the head and still no damage to the health bar. Ran closer still yet another couple of rounds to the head ant the health bar is empty but he still wont die. Run through the gateway into the camp area he’s in and all of a sudden it’s a full health bar again. What’s goin on there?????
I completely agree with everything here. All great points. Especially #2 and #1- great work!
Definitely agree with the doors and invisible walls, and would add that sometimes there are obvious fences and barricades that are part of the scenery that cant be climbed even though its obvious that Snake or Lara or Mario could easily climb over and go around
Loved this article. Agreed with every point, and made me lol a bunch of times too.
sick
The “find 200 yeti tears” one hits home for me. I love the Grand Theft Auto games, but while I’ll admit the hunt for oysters or pigeons does give one an excuse to explore the incredibly detailed worlds of the games (and probably can be used to justify why they were so detailed in the first place), it’s an unnecessary grind. I mean, in GTA IV you have to find 200 birds, and each time you kill one odds are you need to deal with losing the police because the only way to kill them is to shoot them or blow them up. 200 times. And the rewards aren’t always worth it – in the case of the pigeons you get access to a helicopter hidden on top of one of the buildings which doesn’t even spawn regularly. Even though you can easily access a half-dozen other helicopters, including the same type as the one you “win”, at other locations in the game. Scavenger hunts are fine, but keep it to finding, maybe, 25-30 of them. Don’t make it the game.
Another trend I don’t like is the occasional game where a nearly impossible mission is thrown at you very early on. Late in the game, when you’re used to the mechanics and when you expect the difficult to ratchet up, of course. But if you force most players to have to try the same mission 20-30 times (if not more) and they’re still in the early stage of the game, you’ll lose them. I was reading up on how a lot of folks stated they abandoned GTA: San Andreas, for example, due to one apparently insurmountable level that was probably better suited for the later stage of the game.
The third thing that I’ve always hated, and this is more for the PC side of gaming, are games that require players to have six fingers on one hand, or a keyboard shaped like something out of MC Escher, in order to do stuff. The only game I have literally thrown in the garbage was the Windows version of True Crime Streets of NY which had such an impossible keyboard command scheme, I was unable to play it (and I’m an experienced gamer). Console games, at least, force programmers to stay within the confines of the controller’s limited number of buttons.
Good article. I relate to the doors cliche. The early Red Faction games actually encouraged you to make your own doors by blowing holes in everything. Ahhh, a simpler time.
The inability to save whenever I want. I stopped playing Crysis 2 on the second highest difficulty because every time I died on the final level, I’d spawn at a check point BEHIND where I had died, meaning I had to go through those bad guys to get where I had been, then take out waves of enemies that could easily kill me BEFORE getting past that part of the level.
truly one of the best written articles any of us authors have written.
love everything about this, especially the dry humour.
Sniper rifles are always 1 shot kills, no matter where you hit them.
It’s amazing how every single Cliché does not apply to Skyrim’s perfection.
Loved the Tarantino reference in point #4. Get out of your own movies!!
this web site sucks so bad ! shotguns are close combat weapons ! duhhhh
FYI.
Shotguns have a lot more range than you think.
While it is less likely they’ll kill someone that is about over 15 metres away,
realistically – THAT THING WILL STILL HURT.
ANY GUN WILL HURT.
So while it is a [recommended] close range weapon, it still has potential to do damage over a distance.
It’s a gun. Guns have bullets.
Shotguns have pellets.
Pellets go into people.
People get hurt.
Indeed, shotguns have better range than they are portrayed with. But, shotguns can even have the same range as a rifle. It all just depends on the ammo you’ve got it loaded with.
If you’ve got the thing loaded with birdshot, well you’re probably not going to be doing much unless you’re at close range. Hell, a pizza delivery bag loaded with a couple pizzas can actually stop birdshot with a little distance.
If you’ve got buckshot you’re gonna have more punching power AND distance. 00 and 000 are basically like firing a handfull of 9mm rounds at someone.
Then, you have the round that, apparently, no programmers know about…slugs. A slug can accurately hit a target from 150+ yards. Depending on the type of barrel you have, it can be even more accurate.
I just have to say, escorting Ashley can’t be that hard. If you watch Micheal play it it’s just like “Bitch, dumpster” kill everyone “okay bitch, lets go.”
Exactly what came to mind when I saw that picture on the escort missions page.
many u may have seen that there’s no ground sometimes in true crime,godfather very frustating hitting by cars in gta 4 while crossing the road people start running and droping there coffee and cell phone when i horn and apply brakes in gta 4d developers should see for these small things
shotgun’s range is terrible because they normally are or, developers don’t want the player to have a one shot gun with the range of a assault rifle.
The photo in #7 is from L.A Noire isn’t it.
The last great shotgun was on Rainbow Six: Vegas. All other shotguns pale in comparison!
As much as I love it, Half Life 2 is a really bad offender when it comes to number two. “Go in there and disarm that security system, Gordon; we’d love to help, but we uh… have to keep watch. Yeah, that’s it.”
The door – Well stated and well PLACED in the list. the ultimate ridiculous cliche. Two others I suggest if this list is extended are “Food and Sleep Heals Critical Wounds” (e.g., an apple cures your sword stabbings, one hour of sleep cures your napalmed body).
One that I particularly dislike is when you get to a certain point in a game and 80-100% of the enemies are what you usually encounter as well as the ‘normal’ enemies. For example: in Halo, soldiers and alien humanoid things are eventually replaced by the Flood. Half Life 2 – the ratio of Combine to face hugger mutant things becomes greatly imbalanced after a point.
I think nr 1 should be: 68.5% of helicopter trips are guaranteed to end with you being blown out of the sky.
Make that 89.55%
Helicopters in video games are like private jets for musicians.
The worse thing for me are new games that don’t recognise that mice have more than two buttons and don’t allow you to fully customise keyboard commands. Its just pure lazyness.
Also role-playing games where if you actually do stick to a role then you exclude yourself from half the games quest rewards. Or you turn yourself into a paladin/murderer/robber who walks an old lady across the road whilst emptying her pockets in case she has something I cant get any other way.
I love #8, and that’s so annoying, especially when it makes no sense! Quest : Collect 10 wolf teeth. So I kill a dozen wolves, loot their corpses, and get ONE tooth. I’m looking at their mouths, full of clearly visible razor sharp teeth, and wondering how 12 wolves gave me one tooth! *Laughs* Why do I have to kill 7 entire wolf packs for 10 teeth?! *Laughs*
Companions in general annoy me. How many times have I been trying to get down a path or through a doorway that is being blocked because they won’t get out my way? Or when they’re so good at kicking ass that you barely get a shot/kick/punch in.
How about… RETARDED A.I. DRIVERS??? or
yeah, you know i got shot 4 times in call of duty, ill just get all my health back in two seconds, or
mages are ALWAYS the best
*sleeping with the enemy*
starting out a game working for a corporation/security/government agency that turns out to be the root of all evil in the game. Done well in Deus Ex, done poorly in Haze.
Being betrayed by your partner/brother/boss
Boss battles involving huge bosses
Boss battles involving swarms of enemies
Overly sentimental scripted deaths.