Games have to make things fun. Even the most mundane occupation has to be thrilling when you’ve got a gamepad wedged between your mitts. Often these jobs are a springboard for the character. It tells us that you’re playing a blue-collar worker whose been pushed too far, a plucky underdog; a regular joe with nothing left lose. Or, these games simulate the job itself, taking liberties here, dabbing in a spot of artistic license there.
Every kid wants to be a train driver, but stick them in front of London Underground Simulator for five minutes while they make the pre-journey checks and they will quickly switch off, shut down and begin running around the room cursing all locomotives and the accursed rails they run on. Some games are just too accurate and some games are liars with their pants constantly inflamed.
What follows is a list of the top ten jobs that were missold to all of us gullible sponges by those devious designers.
Okay, this is an obvious one, and that’s why it sits at number ten. Nobody truly believes that the day to day life of an Italian plumber involves jumping into pipes larger than you are, kicking turtles and saving princesses. Maybe some of those things, but definitely not while wearing a frog suit. Even then, you won’t be keeping your job for long if you’re caught with a pocket full of mushrooms that you claim are ‘for medicinal purposes only’.
Plumbing is such a dull job, it couldn’t contain Mario for long. He’s branched out. He’s a tennis star, a cart racer, a golfing enthusiast, a cosplayer. But he’s not the only one to show the gaming world what being a plumber is like.
Freedom Fighters, for Playstation 2, Gamecube, Xbox and Windows alike, follows the story of a man. A regular man. A regular man who plumbs. A regular man who drops the wrench in favour of a Kalashnikov to fight off an army of Russians who have invaded the the US of A, somehow. Spoiler alert: He’s the main character, so of course, he wins. And, by golly, he’s such an American patriot, his name is Chris Stone. Now if a plumber named Chris Stone can’t frighten off the Russian Army, no one can.
It’s North America, and the media would have us believe that every man, woman, child and goldfish has a bazooka hidden about their person. But it’s not realistic to say that any regular human being can become Rambo at the drop of a red hat with a big ‘M’ on it. Plumbing is only fun if you enjoy looking at things which get stuck in drains. Like clogged hair. And that’s if you’re lucky.
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This article was first posted on September 6, 2013