The star studded (literally) franchise that stole a million hearts who just wanted to pretend to be Kirk and kiss beautiful green women. Mass Effect. Well bad luck, BioWare were all out of green paint the day it came to layer up the beautiful aliens who inexplicably are sexually compatible and ridiculously promiscuous when it comes to interspecies sex. You'll have to settle for having sex once a game with a beautiful blue woman who has mind-orgasm powers and be happy about it! Oh, also there is a galaxy wide threat of Reapers (giant sentient machine spaceships) who are here to annihilate any sufficiently advanced race in order to stop them from creating and subsequently combatting synthetic life, but they pointedly ignore or work with the Geth (a race of hive-mind synthetic lifeforms created as slaves who rebelled and gained independence) pretty much rendering their motivation completely pointless. Still, at least the Reapers will take the corpses of our billions and billions of dead, and separate them up nicely into species and then blend our corpses. They will then take our blended corpses and use it to create a giant robotic Human - and presumably the other races get their own giant robot too - who is made of human corpse milkshake somehow, to "preserve" us. This cycle repeats every 50,000 years. And so, in the depths of this perfectly straight forward and totally-not-at-all thrown together narrative, we here at WhatCulture.com have decided we have a bone to pick with ol' Mass Effect. We feel, frankly, betrayed!
