It is impossible for me to write objectively about Mass Effect 3.
We are Commander Shepard, you and I. We’ve been with him so long, we have so much invested in what I presume will be his final adventure, or at least the closing chapter of the Mass Effect Reaper story.
What I’m dreading, however, and I mean dread like when you find blood in your urine, is seeing Shepard’s face again.
I love Mass Effect, I love basically everything about it but I, like everyone else I know made the mistake of customising Shepherd’s looks and what looked basically fine, sort of, in Mass Effect 1, looked in the sequel like some half bear half sea urchin hybrid.
On a good day it sometimes looks like the used carcass of a jaded Mr Potato Head, and when I say used… I mean soiled.
And yet it scored with Liara, which would lead me to believe Shepard has a great personality. Except I am him so I know this is not true because I made him kick a man through a window for literally no reason other than a flashing red light was blinking on my television screen.
And in Mass Effect 2 I had Shepard make out with Jack who, whilst just about insane, is still a human and though the Mass Effect universe is extremely compelling and immersive, I was not immersed enough to believe that Jack’s insanity ran deep enough for her to consider bedding a giant, bearded spleen.
Mass Effect 1 had all these fantastic moments and decisions I made that affected the outcome of that game and had an influence over the events of Mass Effect 2. There is so much that hasn’t been addressed, and Mass Effect 3 holds all the loose ends.
I love these games, but I hope Mass Effect 3 wraps it all up, and can stand as a shining example of great game making, and not spiral off into franchises within remakes until we’re playing some George Lucas\Human Centipede “Shepard – The College Years” bullshit.
But maybe I’m off, and Bioware know what they’re doing, since if I’d been left to design Mass Effect 3 everyone would look like greasy balloon animals.