Top 25 Cliches In RPG Games

Disclaimer: I have to say RPGs are my favorite genre of video games to play, however that doesn€™t mean they are perfect by any stretch. In all honesty I am making this list out of love for my favorite genre, so don€™t be upset if it seems like I am criticizing your favorite RPG. This is all in good fun, hell if we are being honest I actually think some of these RPG clichés have disappeared this generation and I would like to see a few of them return (for the love of GOD just not the annoying female lead character). I apologize if I missed your favorite cliché or if you have already seen some of these clichés on this list before, since this topic has been done before. In addition, I tried to include clichés from all forms of RPGs, so if you have never played a JRPG then you may not get some of the references. Same goes for if you have only played JRPGs, you may not get some of the minor references. I just thought with the plethora of RPGs being released this year and early into next year this topic has become relevant again. Enjoy.

STARTING OUT

1. Your created character or teenage male lead will generally begin the game by leaving his village or town for a quiet stroll with friends. After returning to your town, village, or city you will notice something slightly odd about the village, most of it will be on fire with a good portion of the towns€™ people lying dead in the gutters. And thus begins your journey for vengeance (generally masked as a quest to save the world). 2. As you leave on your journey you may find certain people want to follow you and help you, most of these people should be avoided at all costs because they are useless and annoying. Here is a general list of the people you may come across: € First is of course the main female character that will almost certainly fall in love with the main character 5 minutes after meeting the main hero. She will most likely be a useless magic user and have an annoying squeaky voice that she will use to whine and nag about the main hero most of the game. (Main Hero: You€™ve done nothing but complain and nag me this hole time as I try to save the world in spite of you being totally useless, of course I am in love with you.) She should be avoided at all costs; it€™s not worth it because even after saving her ass and the world you will be lucky to get a kiss let alone sex. € The second character is generally your larger tougher counterpart who is generally a soldier type and will fight to the death for you unconditionally. There is a high probability you will get into an argument with this person at some point during the game, but he will most likely be the most interesting and fun character to be around in the game. Include this character at all cost, because he will be very helpful. € Next is the other female character that will show up later in the game, she will be stronger, better looking, and a much more well rounded character than the female lead. However, chances are she will not fall in love with the main character and even if she does you will immediately rebuff her over some stupid loyalty to the weaker, more needy, and annoying female lead. If at all possible try to fall in love with this character because it will lead to a much happier life than being nagged to death by the female lead. € The next character is the brooding bad boy character who is much better looking than the main hero, smarter than the main hero, stronger than the main hero, and overall has a much bigger penis than the main hero. He will tell you this constantly as he tells you he needs no friends, but seems to follow you wherever you go. In addition, this character will generally have secret from his past he will vaguely allude to every chance he gets. That is until he finally tells you his deep dark secret so you two can become BFFs€™. He is useful in battle so you should invite him to come with you, just beware of the fact everyone in the world will tell you how much more awesome this character is than you are. € Finally we have the most annoying character in the game, this can come in two different forms; a very annoying child or a very useless animal like creature who will fight on your side but you will never use this character due to the useless attacks it has. The child will also be useless in battle and is even worse because they never shut the Hell up and if it is a girl, she will also immediately develop a crush on the main character that will grow very annoying very fast. Avoid at all costs.

Exploring and Quest Taking

3. As you continue on your journey you will find that towns are generally filled with people who utter the same three lines of dialog and really never seem to help you on your quest to save the world even though an evil overlord is about to destroy their quaint little village. 4. That is unless of course they have a quest for you to accomplish, which will require you to stop everything you are doing (you know trying to save the world) so you can locate a lost son or daughter of a villager who should really be arrested for being a negligent parent. 5. After you locate the daughter or son fighting off some version of a giant spider, rat, or any other large form of vermin; the villager will then give you a key quest item that person just magically somehow came into contact with. Ironically these villagers seem to take better care of their magical items and maps than they do their own children. 6. After a long hard day of fighting vermin and slime monsters a quick stop and nap at the villages inn will cure whatever ails you from broken bones, to being poisoned, to a crushed skull sleeping in a town inn cures all.

BEING PREPARED

7. After your all curing nap, you can decide to have a look around town to gather supplies for your continued journey. You can generally find whatever you need by walk right into any house you see and basically take everything that isn€™t nailed to the floor. And half the time it is stuff you don€™t even need, oh good a dinner plate I am sure that will come in handy. 8. There is a benefit to stealing those useless items though, and that is selling said useless items to shopkeepers for money. A shopkeeper will buy anything, it doesn€™t matter if that person is a blacksmith he will buy every dinner plate and piece of yarn in your bag. The shopkeeper will then either turn around and sell the items instantly to someone else or try to sell you your items back to you for triple the price. That sword he bought from you for 10 dollars now costs 1,000.

WHO DARES GET IN YOUR WAY

9. Now that you have gathered all the supplies you will need to continue your quest for vengeance ahem I mean save the world you will find that there will be some people/enemies who might try to stop your quest. Here is a list of creatures and enemies you may come across on your journey: € Like I listed above there is no chance that you won€™t run into some type of vermin a giant rat or most likely some form of a giant spider. In all honesty the majority of most RPGs don€™t even need a hero they need a pest control exterminator. € You will also most likely run into these things called boss battles, the first one you face will actually seem somewhat difficult until 5 minutes later when you are affectively strong enough to kill the boss in one shot. Which asks the question how had nobody killed this creature already? € Oh and some advice, if you come across a group of very annoying henchmen make sure you kill them the first time around, because if you don€™t they will just keep coming back. Although you needn€™t worry too much because even though they will come back chances are you will just have to kick there ass again; which won€™t be hard considering they never seem to get any stronger. They are just extremely annoying and will generally have terrible dialog. € Finally you might come across a boss that is so strong you can barely do any damage to him or it. Well fear not because you weren€™t suppose to beat this enemy anyway you were suppose to get your ass kicked. The evil overlord generally does this as a show of strength. Why he never finishes you off, well that is simple, after his towering defeat of you your spirit will be broken and you will turn off the game never to play it again.

DON'T DROP THE SOAP

10. At some point on your journey you will end up in jail, can€™t be avoided. You may spend the entire game being a good person not stealing or breaking into people€™s homes, running away from all battles; doesn€™t matter you will still somehow end up in jail it is unavoidable. 11. Although the good part about this is you will be either freed or break free yourself within three minutes of the actual imprisonment. Oh and no other law enforcement agent will ever come looking for you once out of prison, you can walk right up to every officer in the land to shake their hand doesn€™t matter once you€™re out you aren€™t going back.

TIPS TO LIVE BY

12. You will learn some great magical spells on your journey, just be aware of the fact that the most powerful spells will never work in a boss battle. Oh you learned the spell €œDeath€ congratulations you learned the most useless spell in the entire video game world. 13. On your journey make sure you break open every crate and box you find because chances are anything from valuable weapons to money will be stored in these crates and boxes. Why do you think banks exist today, people got tired of having their money stolen from their boxes and barrels that were outside behind the house. 14. Never ever trust the church, they are the most evil force in the world; it wasn€™t the governments fault your village was destroyed, it was the church who is actually running the government. In fact the church is behind everything; just assume every priest you meet is secretly going to kill you in your sleep.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

15. You will never have sex€ ever. You character will stay a virgin his whole life; no matter how many times you save the leading lady, over throw an evil empire, or save the planet from total destruction no women in the entire world will sleep with you. Unless you are playing a western RPG, in which case you get to have sex with almost any women you want. However, 90% of them have the exact same face so you should assume you are basically sleeping with clones whose conversation ability will be severely lacking. Never once in an RPG will you have meaningful sex with a person you are in love with.

ULTIMATE WASTE OF TIME

16. The most powerful weapon in the game will be obtained either through collecting a million random meaningless items or in the last boss battle. Either way you will only get to use the most powerful weapon in the game one time before the game ends. In other words, don€™t waste your time; those are forty hours of your life you will never get back trying to collect all 100 items necessary to build the ultimate weapon. Not to mention another 10 hours for training so the game will let you actually use the weapon.

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

17. At some point during your journey you may realize this is not your journey anymore and you would be right. Through most of €œyour journey€ you will spend time doing quests for other people. They will tell you where to go, what to do, how you are the only one who can do what needs to be done, and literally be forced to do whatever these people tell you to do. Not to mention your own party members will constantly tell you what you need to do and heaven forbid you try and do something that isn€™t on the scheduled check list they will freak out and start speaking to you in commands such as €œyou need to go here and we need to find the artifact€. But yeah it is still €œyour journey€ right?

YOU BETTER LIKE WALKING

18. You will need to fix your mode of transportation at some point or at least some form of giant cannon that you need to fire to hoard off on coming invaders. Or if you are playing a western RPG at one point in the game your horse will inexplicably leave or die and force you to either find him or get another horse.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

19. All myths you encounter will be found out to be true this includes any weird dreams or visions your main character has.

QUICK SOMEONE GET AERITH A PHOENIX DOWN

20. You never actually die in battle, you will only faint; otherwise how can you explain revival potions working only in battles and not when a character dies in the plot. I was just stabbed in battle 15 times doesn€™t matter used a revival potion; but one stab wound to the chest in a cut scene will kill every time.

FINAL EXAM

21. Congratulations you have finally made it to and killed the final boss€ Oh wait no he just turned into a creature ten times what he was before and now causes more damage what a fool I was for thinking 45 stab wounds to the chest would kill him. 22. OK I have some bad news for you, you thought you killed the main boss a second time, well you did but unfortunately that wasn€™t his true form. He will now turn into another creature even stronger than before and no your €œDeath€ spell won€™t work on him either. 23. Congratulations you beat the final boss, but I have some bad news; he was the only thing holding the castle or dungeon together so you might want to start running.

COLLECTING YOUR REWARD OR NOT

24. Once the main boss is defeated the evil empire will fall instantly, there was never any contingency plans in case of the death of the main antagonists. His plan will instantly stop the minute you defeat him. Any and all villages, towns, or castles that are occupied by the main villains€™ guards will instantly be vacated in favor of the victors. In other words no messy cleanup they will throw themselves in prison. 25. Chances are you will get no reward for accomplishing your goal of saving the world; Hell most people will likely not even acknowledge that you did anything special. You might get a parade if you are lucky but chances are they will just put you to work the minute your quest is done. Worst of all the only character who will follow after your quest are the annoying female lead who fell in love with you or the stupid useless creature that would most likely run and hide before protecting you (you would be better off with a dog).