War? Huh? What is it good for? Now some would say absolutely nothing. I would tend to agree, on the socio-political side of things. Wars are messy, expensive and tear families and countries apart. But, my word, they provide some pretty good anecdotes to tell decades later. Winning at all costs is the prime directive of armies and generals everywhere. In the eternal words of Ricky Bobby, if you're not first you're last. And nowhere is that statement more appropriate than the fields of war. One way to win is to make sure that tactically you are watertight and have the right weaponry to see you through. Warfare gave us machine guns, tanks and atomic bombs in a kind of military-style game on one-upmanship. These weapons decided the outcomes of wars, but there are some weapons once developed that were, how shall we say it, ridiculously idiotic and hilariously nonsensical. War does crazy thing to people. So it should stand to reason that those in charge of thinking up new ways to maim one's opponents would, instead of designing bad-ass guns and bombs, decide to throw their documents in the air, pogo around and make funny noises with their mouths. Here are 5 weapons developed during warfare that at the time were treated with much gravitas, but now we can see just how insane they were. Trust me, you're going to want to read this one...
5. Bat Bombs
See? I told you you'd want to click next to continue to see these two wonderful words. Two words that fit together just as beautifully as "not guilty" or "free beer". Yes, bat bombs may sound like a campy weapon from the Adam West Batman series, but these right here are honest to goodness, hand on my heart bat bombs. Bombs strapped to bats. Let me explain. The year is 1942. World War 2 has been raging for 3 years already, and the United States have recently joined the scrap after the events of Pearl Harbour. And they were pissed. So they decided to get the Japanese back at all costs, lest they look a little silly. So of course President Roosevelt turned to his army generals and military scientists to dream up new ways to win the unwinnable war. Except he totally didn't and a random dentist in Pennsylvania come up with it instead. The Insanity Lytle. S Adams. Remember that name. Lytle. S Adams, or Little Guy as he was affectionately known (this may or may not be true). This little dentist in Pennsylvania presumably one day looked at a bat and thought, "Sure, it's a sentient being. But what would really make it better is if we strapped an explosive device to it." So Lytle called up his pal, the First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt and told her his idea. Amazingly, instead of telling him to take his pills and go back to saying random letters and numbers in the dentist's room, she went and told the President who greenlit the idea. The (actually logical) thinking behind the plan was that because Japanese architecture was mainly paper, bamboo and flammable materials, these bats could be released over the area in question, hide in houses and then be timed to explode creating lots of little fires all over the shop and creating widespread confusion. Bats were more than up to the task, what with being able to carry more than their own weight and their night-vision awesomeness. So all the higher-ups were patting themselves on the back, and decided to test this foolproof plan in a range in New Mexico. The man who designed the bombs was Louis Fieser, the man who designed freakin' napalm, and the test was approved. Unfortunately it went about as well as you would expect. Some armed bats were accidentally released, and caused the chaos that admittedly was their sole job. They roosted under a fuel tank and things went from bad to hilarious. After this, the project was bounced around from the Navy to the Marines and was ultimately abandoned. The reason? Well, apart from the fact it was pretty silly, they decided instead just to drop nuclear bombs. Which did bring about the end of the war, but is somewhat akin to using the shortcut on Wario Stadium in Mario Kart 64. Just a lazy way to win. Unconfirmed reports circulate that a certain Gotham billionaire was behind the failure of bat bombs, but sadly we will never actually know. But we can hope.