That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane. And Lenny Bruce is not afraid! Because he died a long time ago of an accidental drug overdose. It's the end of the world as we know it, and we feel fine, because whilst our pale blue dot is - sadly - destined to eventually crumble and fall apart, it's not going to happen in our lifetime. Unless there are any immortals in the audience tonight, in which case you might wanna hunker down somewhere safe for the next billion or so years. It's not going to be smooth sailing for you, buddy. Thanks to humanity's use of natural resources, the building effects of global warming, and the general passage of time/circle of life thing our mother Gaia has got going on, things down look all that rosy for the future of Earth. You know all those Roland Emmerich movies about armageddon? No, not Armageddon, that's a Michael Bay film. We mean all the German director's films that involve natural disasters killing thousands upon millions of people. The Day After Tomorrow, 2012, all that jazz. We're reluctant to admit it, but there's actually a kernel of truth to those things. Just a kernel, mind you, not a fully-developed piece of popcorn (which is a common criticism of those films, wahey! High five heard around the world!). For one thing his timing's way off - eventually the Earth is going to get shafted by environmental factors and unavoidable casualties, but it's not going to happen to John Cusack. It's going to happen to whoever's left in, oh, say 50,000 years from now and onwards. And it doesn't look good. These are ten sad facts about the future of Earth.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
