1. Average of 2.97 goals per game

So far this season (as of Monday morning), there has been 291 goals, a fantastic 2.97 per game ratio. This means that even the typical boring mid-table games are still going to produce some sort of entertainment. Ok, so most of them are coming from Man City, but even so, it’s still so much more entertaining than a dirty child wailing over a once-credible song. Take that, Gary Barlow (pun intended).

2. Man City

Finally, the battle for top spot has got a bit feistier than the usual United vs. Chelsea, United vs. Arsenal, United vs. A.N.Other. The 6-1 Manchester derby was a great game for the neutral, and even better for the City fans. If United vs. Chelsea ended 6-1, would there have been anywhere near as much made out of it? No chance. Having a rivalry, a real one, at the top of the league makes it all much more gritty. People want to kick each other and beat each other. You don’t get rivalries in Strictly. Everyone “supports” each other. Yawn. Get them fighting and lunging in with two feet. If they did, I might understand the Pasodoble.

3. The Newly Promoted Teams

How many seasons have had the new teams come up, only to be whipped worse than a Grand National horse, and then go all the way back down to oblivion? Last season we had Blackpool. Everyone loved Blackpool. But they were getting relegated from day one. This season, Swansea and Norwich have tried to defend properly, and score goals. NB Norwich vs. Liverpool. They’ve got attacking, expansive football and they want to compete for the entire season. Not like most of the contestants on X Factor or Strictly who want to “make it through to next week.” Where’s the skill in that? Working hard over an entire season to stay up with the last kick of the season, or “wanting people to put you through to rock week”? You decide.

 

4. Barcelona Blueprint –

The carousel. You look at their football and think, “yes, just yes.” Then you look at the Premier League a few years ago and you think “predictable, just predictable.” Now, everyone wants to play like Barcelona. We all seen how United won the league then couldn’t get near Barca. Barca have become the blueprint that Arsene Wenger has failed to emulate year upon year upon year… Everyone in the league wants to be better than Messi and Ronaldo. They want to score fifty goals a season. They want to be the next big thing. Where is the excitement in “learning so much and wanting to continue to grow every week”? Go out and score five goals, run around the pitch with your t-shirt over your head and get a yellow card. That is entertainment.

 

5. Strikers

Take your world class superstars that waltz in on a Sunday and perform in the results show every week, telling us “this is how good I am, and how rubbish your contestants are. They have to get up to my standard.” (Professor Green excluded.) Don’t want them. We have the best talent right here. You watch any striker of any team in the league and you get excited. Suaraez, Balloteli, Rooney, Van Persie, Ba, Augero, the rest of City… all are wonderful to watch. Even the previously rubbish ones like Saha, Bendtner and Torres (ahem) all look like they want to play well. Hurrah! And don’t even get me started on Tevez.

6. Tevez

Ok, then, do. Tevez is the epitome of everything that is wrong about modern day footballers. He is spoilt, overpaid, egotistical… putting away thesaurus… He is the one shining example of why some people hate football. He is a horrible, horrible little man. But. Isn’t it entertaining? Everyone has a say, everyone has an opinion, everyone was tweeting about it. He’s dreadful. But if you had a choice of pushing Tevez off a cliff, or that fella in drag Kitty, I’d keep the moaning Argentinean.

 

7. Balloteli

I can’t decide if I love him or hate him. My football allegiances won’t let me decide. His skill and his prowess totally conflict with setting fireworks off from his bathroom window, and going into town to buy an iron and coming home with a trampoline. Column inches gold. Much better than “randy 18 year old Frankie got a girl’s number.” Woo-hoo…

 

8. Technology

Not goal line. We’ve had enough of that. I’m talking about Twitter and Facebook. Joey Barton gives people a reason to join Twitter. His Newcastle fiasco was played out in 140 characters or less, and it was exceptional viewing. Don’t get me started on his philosophical quotes. Genius. Rio gives us his valuable insights into what life is like as a footballer while Michael Owen fills us in on what life is like on the bench at Old Trafford. The more footballers appear on Twitter, the most passionate fans get to tweet abuse (poor Darren Gibson), show their support, spur on their side or condemn them to the wilderness. I didn’t really care about Joey Barton before this season. Now I feel I am his best friend. If Frankie Cocoza started following me on Twitter, I’d delete my account and change my name. If Joey Barton started following me, I may just explode.

 

9. No more Neville Southall

For non-fans of the 90s, big old Neville was your generic keeper. Whenever you had to do nets, you thought of how big Nev would flop onto the ball, blocking it with one of his many chins and throw it away so he could finish his burger. Now, the modern day keeper has to play a bit. De Gea, Hart, Reina… They all get the ball down and play. They start up attacks with their kickouts, they rush out of their box to clatter into someone. They don’t just stand and block the ball. They actually want to make something happen when they have it. It is cool to be a keeper now. Everyone on that pitch is an idol. Not like Strictly. Who wants to be Bruno Tagliatelle?

 

10. No Phone Votes

Though, if there were, poor Johnny Evans wouldn’t be here next week.

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