10 Things We Learned From The English Premier League Football Weekend (30 Sept - 1 Oct 2017)

1. LOLiverpool

Federico Gambarini/dpa/Corbis

Newcastle United fans created a chant, forged through either irony or blind optimism, to the tune of 'Agadoo', in homage to cut-price striker Joselu. "Joselu-lu-lu, he'll score one or he'll score two, Joselu-lu-lu, if you're sh*te he'll score a few."

Both motivations became apparent over the course of the last two fixtures, in which the Spaniard squandered a spate of chances. You get what you pay for, and all that. Newcastle paid a lowly sum of £5M - virtually a free in this era of massive inflation. Joselu was only ever likely to score against the most porous and calamitous of defences. Enter apparent title hopefuls Liverpool: after inundating the Newcastle backline and opening the scoring with a choice long-range effort from Philippe Coutinho, former Red Jonjo Shelvey split open the 'Pool midfield before Joël Matip split the sides of everybody watching by contriving to score a goal off Joselu's shin. Hilariously, captain fantastic Jamaal Lascelles went a bit overboard in his reassurances. He shoved Joselu in the chest as if to say "See! You're not that bad mate!"

To be fair to Joselu, he was rewarded for his hustle - and, risible as the cliche is, they all count. Daniel Sturridge was as profligate as Liverpool were a blunt attacking force; the persistent pressure amounted to nought through a combination of resolute Newcastle defending and their own lack of incision.

That Virgil van Dijk made his comeback on the very same weekend must have bruised the Liverpool fans.

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Former Power Slam Magazine scribe and author of Development Hell: The NXT Story - available NOW on shop.whatculture.com!

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