11 Things That Only Amateur Footballers Will Understand

It's a game of two halves.

Is there really anything more glorious than falling out of bed €” perhaps not even your own bed €”on a Saturday or Sunday morning, only to go and voluntarily chase a spherical bag of air around an unkempt meadow? Anyone who has ever played football at a competitive level (and we do use the phrase lightly), will appreciate the full spectrum of joy, exasperation and humiliation that amateur 11-a-side brings with it. Not uncommon are 10-0 scorelines, ten-man brawls and referees who are actually just the opposition's reserve keeper, a reserve keeper who is actually just one of 'the dads'. This footballing version of Inception may appear shambolic to the uneducated eye, but the ordered chaos which envelopes grassroots football is actually a facet integral to its survival. When match officials don't turn up, for example, you'll see the absolute best of our utopian little society. In the absence of linesmen and flags, we'll accept lads waving t-shirts. If the very foe with whom battle is imminent fails to scrape together eleven men, we'll just lend them one of ours (albeit the kid with two left feet and an eye-patch). The beautiful game is in fact just that at all levels: beautiful. Some say La Liga's stunning football is reflected in the pearlescent smile of Irina Shayk, then the grit of grassroots was combed straight from the locks of Susan Boyle herself. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, remember. Yes, dubious fitness levels and cynical fouls are commonplace at the lowest level of the football pyramid, but determination, integrity and plenty of shouting mean the game is played as passionately by grassroots players as by players anywhere. With this in mind, dive into these eleven key traits of the amateur game.
 
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Recent English graduate and Newcastle United nut. Rom-Com enthusiast, Bob Dylan fan-boy and expert poacher of eggs.