This month is Movember. Not November, but Movember. The month when blokes grow some outstanding facial hair to raise awareness and a few quid for men’s health charities. The key messages of Movember are such things as check your nuts for lumps. I am myself growing my Mo and raising some dough for a good cause so have a read of my top 10 moustaches on TV and whether you agree or not please give generously to charity by clicking the link at the bottom of the page.
10. Garth Knight (David Hasselhoff) – Knight Rider
In at number 10 is the terrible tash sported by Garthe Knight off of Knight Rider. It’s complicated as to how and why Garthe Knight came about, but the jist is that the guy who ran the team that created Michael Knight had an estranged son who became a villain. Michael Knight’s face was reconstructed to look like Garthe and that’s why the show’s lead character, Michael, looks identical to Garthe – except for Garthe’s tash!
To make an unbelievably ropey storyline even worse, Garthe is also played by David Hasselhoff! The only way to tell the good guy, Michael, from the bad guy, Garthe, is the facial hair! This is not the message of Movember and facial hair is not evil, but the hilarity of the Knight Rider storyline is worth a cheeky Google and the terrible Tash slips into number 10.
9. Blakey (Stephen Lewis) – On The Buses
The Hitler-esque toothbrush tash of the wacky bus inspector off of the early 70s makes the number 9 spot. Blakey’s tash is as menacing as his character and clearly suggested he was the Hitler of the busmen. However, I think that his tash is proof that Hitler didn’t kill the toothbrush tash look for everyone and it can be worn with confidence. I am myself considering this look for late Movember.
8. Dr Mark Sloan (Dick Van Dyke) – Diagnosis Murder
A classic Chevron style tash is adorned across the top lip of Van Dyke in this cheesy TV drama. Now the Chevron tash isn’t anything new, but Van Dyke’s was white and we all know how white is difficult to keep clean. Dick has made it to my number 8 for the sheer amount of effort needed to keep his tash clean and white rather than stained with coffee, beer or curry. Could you imagine? It must be a nightmare!
7. Mike Watt (Nick Frost) – Spaced
Mike confidently sports a Pancho Villa style moustache that is thick and bristly like a new bought broom. The tash is accompanied by his yellow tinted aviator glasses and military attire, which makes for a formidable look. He makes it to my number 7 because it must be absolutely impossible to kiss a girl looking like that. If he does, although highly unlikely, manage to get his lips anywhere near a girl his tash would only serve to give his prey one hell of a stubble rash.
6. Battery Sergeant Major Tudor Williams (Windsor Davies) – It Aint Half Hot Mum
A delightfully miniature Hungarian-style tash that begins in the middle above the lip and spreads to the side with small curls at either side. A tash that has clearly been cared for and well thought through in its inception. The tash of a man who is strong, confident and wants to make a point.
5. Tom Selleck Police Commissioner Reagan (Tom Selleck) – Blue Bloods
Tom Selleck’s Police Commissioner Reagan from Blue Bloods is in at number 5. Most of the other top tash lists that I have seen list Selleck in Magnum P.I. and although I commend the classic 80’s tash sported in the aforementioned TV series I believe his facial hair has matured with age. Selleck now sports a slightly older, thicker and wiser version of the Magnum P.I. tash and has clearly incorporated it into more of his acting. In Blue Bloods Selleck uses his tash at every opportunity to define his character and set his mood, which is usually miserable. It may even be so that Selleck now relies solely on his Tash to do all his acting for him and it is the sole reason he is still employed!
4. Hulk Hogan (Himself) – WWE, TNA, Hogan Knows Best
Hulk Hogan’s horseshoe moustache is an absolute classic whether it be seen in WWF, WWE, Hogan Knows Best, Brook Knows Best or on American Gladiators. Hogan is clearly committed to a style that he grew in the 80’s, refined in the 90’s and still holds onto today. Fashion and fads have come and gone over the last few decades, but Hogan’s tash is an American institution and has inspired rednecks all over the USA to grow their own. Hogan’s Horseshoe is older than I am and shows no signs of going anywhere yet. For longevity Hogan makes it to number 4.
3. Earl Hickey (Jason Lee) – My Name Is Earl
Earl’s tash is el natural and requires no effort, grooming or even cleaning. Just let that bad boy grow where ever it wants and make sure you shave your chin. The natural styled tash is a sign that you don’t give two dumps about what people think despite knowing yourself that it’s going to get beer, food and all manner of stuff stuck in it. Earl’s natural tash is two fingers up to the establishment, a spanner in the works of the norm and a sign that you are quite at home and confident in your own skin and tash.
2. Deadwood Cast
Absolutely anyone off of Deadwood! The American TV series is the Mecca of moustaches with almost every single character sporting a top quality tash of some sort or another. The entire range of facial hair styles can be seen in one hour long sitting and anyone unsure as to what style they want should rent the box set and watch carefully to see what may suit them. Chevrons, Pancho Villas, full beards, Hungarians – the lot all on offer for your viewing pleasure.
As the countdown to what I consider to be the best moustache on TV comes to a close I thank you for reading. It’s been fun and I think that my scientific research has enlightened myself and hopefully you too. If you would be so kind as to donate as little or as much as you like I would be very grateful.
The number 1 bestest moustache ever seen on my telebox is that of…
1. The Chuckle Brothers (Barry & Paul Chuckle)
In my opinion the Brothers Chuckle have each grown themselves a fantastic Chevron moustache and what could be better than one great tash? Two! The Rotherham duo were and still are a very unique pair with their outfits, mannerisms and ‘to me, to you’ attitude so didn’t need anything else to set them apart from the crowd. However, their tashs were the icing on the cake! And not ones to ever do anything alone or without the other the pair of them both grew their moustaches. Did Barry grow one and then Paul thought to himself ‘that looks great, I want one!’ Or was it the other way around? No matter how it occurred they have distinguished themselves, in my opinion, as having the best moustaches on TV!