"What is a push? Ha, ha. It's a little bit of an indication that WWE aims to present a performer as a formidable force in storylines. I don't have one. Nobody else here has one. But you know what? A push is for a real man. See, of all these people here, I have the best push of them all. Give me a couple more days, I'll have a nice, thick push. But none of these boys right here -"
- Eli Cottonwood, Monday Night RAW, 2019.
For several years now, the WWE fanbase at large has bemoaned WWE's chronic inability to just f*cking see it through. Pushes aren't pushes anymore; they are literally pulls back into the gorilla position. This is the latest in a long line of WWE developments - defeated champions, paying talent specifically not to wrestle - that proves WWE is now comprehensively ar*e-backwards.
So with all of this in mind, in a magnanimous gesture, what follows is a shotgun blast of nihilism designed to make everything better. It's probably not going to go the way you think. To enjoy WWE's output in 2019, all you have to do is let the gallows humour in.