10 Totally Stupid Things WWE Has ALREADY DONE Since WrestleMania 35
Baits, switches, and making Champions bitches.
Watching post-Network WrestleMania is a bit like eating a donner kebab in broad, sober daylight.
It's something you can't do every day, for it is so excessive in its sheer quasi-meat Content. That first bit though, Christ alive: the exotic spiced lamb of the prestigious, open-air stadium, the immensely satisfying, tender crunch of gritty physical warfare playing out in front of beautiful surroundings, the zesty chilli sauce kick of those annual, super-creative psycho bumps: why don't we do this more often? We don't do this more often because the meat, revealing itself to be not meat at all, but the reconstituted sphincter of Triple H's customary 25 minute ar*ehole flex, starts to congeal.
The vinegar salad of the entrances begins to wilt and sour, and at some point, you become resentful of its mere presence. It just repels you away from the elusive main event as, deep into a griping, self-loathing bloat, you want to but physically cannot enjoy the sensation of those last few strands of meat sandwiched by pitta. Uncomfortably full, that last, most unctuous bite, is notable only for its waste.
"Grow up, you fat f*ck," you tell yourself, as Baron Corbin runs through his inexpressive act six deep hours in.
Unlike the cold pizza that is the television following the Royal Rumble, with its delicious albeit familiar possibilities, the curdled garlic sauce dries out and repulses the mouth in the definitively Not Great spring months...
10. THAT Bait & Switch
The RAW After WrestleMania is the most-watched and anticipated of the year because excitement is essentially guaranteed.
New contenders! New NXT call-ups!...
...that WWE will ruin, but still! That's a problem for June or July, not April! Well, not so much for Ricochet, but he doesn't count.
I ALREADY PLAYED WITH THAT TOY, GODD*MNIT!
WWE doesn't tend to deliver on its drunken afterparty promise, but tends not to give the f*cking game away on the same night. On this year's post-'Mania RAW, new WWE Champion Kofi Kingston challenged new Universal Champion Seth Rollins to a Winner Take All match in the opening segment. The fans went apesh*t, as is expected, when a wrestling company promises rare history in the package of a scintillating and unexpected main event match.
Those fools. Those pitiful fools.
Instead, fading SmackDown tag team Sheamus and Cesaro interfered in RAW's main event, for reasons WWE won't explain because why bother, eh, resulting in an impromptu tag match that fans unanimously rejected. Those fans will know better in Tampa next year, and since a full 25% of the fans who watched in 2018 didn't watch this year, the dreaded 2000 WCW comparisons won't ring true.
It's just as well next year's edition will emanate from Florida: WWE, at this rate, might need to rent out the Impact Zone.