6. I Didn't Know What To Get You, But I Heard You Like Wrestling....
"Hey, Mike!! I know we've never spoken much when we've been in work, but I pulled your name out of the hat for Secret Santa. So I asked around, and somebody mentioned that you like wrestling, so I got you this John Cena dashboard bobble head!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!..... by the way, you DO know it's fake, right?" This one is nice, but still annoying, and has probably happened to you at least once in your life. It's Christmas, your birthday, Hanukkah or whatever, and you get a gift from someone who doesn't know you or your hobby too well. Could be a coworker, a new girlfriend, a relative you don't see that often, or just someone who doesn't "get it". They know that you like wrestling, they don't know what you watch or who you like, but they hear "wrestling" and that's good enough for them. You open your gift to reveal... God only knows, WWF themed top trumps cards, or one of those Daniel Bryan baseball caps with fur on. You don't want to be ungrateful, so you smile and say thanks, even though you know that this is something you will never EVER use. Wrestling has some of the most varied merchandise in the world, encompassing everything from video games to cookbooks, and it includes a lot of cool stuff. When you were a kid, the action figures and ring playsets were awesome, and the foam hands were THE holy grail. Then when you got older, there was the autobiographies and documentaries, as well as DVD's and CD's (over a decade later, and WWF Forceable Entry is still the s**t!) But on the flipside, there is also some undeniable crap, including.... Action figures that you could fill with water to make it look like they sweat WWE Crush Hour The comic books An APA tshirt that had the slogan "Always Pounding Ass!" (seriously, wrestling is NOT gay) Talking soap WWF Superstars cereal WCW Nitro cologne This never happens with anything else. No-one would go "oh, he likes football, great!" and get you a fridge magnet for a team you don't support. Yet in the life of a wrestling fan, this is common, and for every genuinely thoughtful gift that you could possibly receive from somebody who knows you and gets you something you would actually want, there's always the person who thinks "oh, he likes wrestling, so he'll LOVE this Hulk Hogan garden gnome!"
Stephen Maher has been a rock star, a bouncer, a banker and a busker on various streets in various countries. He's hung out with Robert Plant, he was at Nelson Mandela's birthday and he's swapped stories with prostitutes and crack addicts. He once performed at a Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras by accident. These days, he passes the time by writing about music, wrestling, games and other forms of nerdery. And he rarely drinks the blood of the innocent.
