TNA IMPACT WRESTLING!
Bobby Roode is still your TNA Champion after Genesis, and he’s gracing us with his presence. As the fans chant “Hardy,” Roode tells us he’s the most dominant champion in the history of Impact! Roode says he’s not going to embarrass him anymore, and brings him out to “humbly accept his defeat” and shake Roode’s hand. Instead it’s Sting’s music that plays and out comes the Icon. Sting and Roode share some weird caveman insults which somehow garners a “Spank his butt” chant from the crowd. Sting calls Roode out for getting intentionally disqualified and tells him tonight he defends again against Jeff Hardy! Sting is out, and Roode throws a tantrum.
Earlier today, Matt Morgan met Crimson coming out of DIRECT INSURANCE and they gave him a GREAT DEAL. Morgan says they’ve been amazing with his family for years. Then they mention their tag match tonight against the Two Robbies. And just in case that wasn’t weird enough, a small caption at the bottom pops up saying “This is a paid endorsement…” Promo segments as advertising now? For INSURANCE? I have no words…
The Two Robbies (E and T) vs. Crimson and Matt Morgan
Rob E gets manhandled by Crimson and immediately tags in T. After he slams Crimson, he tags E back in, who again makes a fool of E and drops an elbow on him. T runs in but Morgan meets him with a clothesline then tags in. He removes the elbow pads and smashes E in the corner with the trademark elbows. Double team corner splash then Crimson with an exploder suplex on E. Morgan kicks Big Rob off the apron then a double team choke slam on Robbie E gets the win. As they celebrate their win, Samoa Joe and Magnus jump from behind and Joe decks Morgan with the title belt. Joe and Magnus hit the champs with a few double teams of their own and raise the titles.
Eric Bischoff is on his way to the ring. We also get a video package of everything that happened between he, his son, Flair and Gunner lately culminating with Sting making Garrett Bischoff a wrestler last week. Eric lands to the ring and he doesn’t blame his son for wanting to be a wrestler since he himself made it look so easy. However he encourages him to give up his dreams cause they’ll get him hurt. At this point, Garrett joins him in the ring and tells him he aint going anywhere. Then he says he has a new trainer. “You’ll be SHOCKED to find out who it is.” Please be the Shock Master. Eric grabs him when he goes to leave, Garrett turns around fired up and tells him to never touch him again.
Backstage Angelina and Winter are talking and Winter says they don’t need a new leader of the division. She also talks down Gail Kim and says its time everyone remembered who Winter is.
Video package of comedy odd couple ODB and Eric Young, complete with quirky music and video effects. Backstage ODB is explaining that she was just hot and horny, then they head to the ring.
Winter (with Angelina) vs. ODB (with Eric Young)
ODB uses her ass and tits to bump Winter, then flies crotch first into the bottom buckle when Winter moves. Winter sticks her in a tree of woe and chokes. Eric meanwhile, stands on the apron and holds onto the tag rope every now and then. ODB comes back and squashes her in the corner then hits her Bronco Buster this time. Fall Away Slam and a nip up. Angelina gets in the ring to attack ODB but Young runs in and gives Angelina an airplane spin. This of course dizzies Eric himself and he falls out of the ring. ODB picks up Winter and drops her with a TKO for the three. ODB and Eric share a comedy swig from a hip flask after the match. Hey maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll put the Knockout Titles on these two.
AJ Styles walks to the ring and immediately calls out Kazarian to answer some questions. AJ says out of everybody he didn’t expect Kaz to turn his back, but looks like he thought wrong. “Why, why did you turn your back on me?” AJ said he had this same conversation with Daniels when he did the same thing. AJ gets in his face demanding an answer. Kaz says he cant tell him why. This brings out Daniels who says he can tell him why. Daniels gets in the ring and tells AJ that Frankie sees him for what he is “a lost cause.” Daniels says Kaz is sick of AJ being a loser. “He’s done carrying your ass, you worthless piece of BEEP” Kazarian tries to step in at this point, but Daniels tells him to get out of the ring. And he does. As Daniels goes to leave, AJ FIRES his microphone right at Daniels back and beats on him. That was excellent no ones done that before. Its clear Daniels has some dirt or something on Kazarian, I wonder where they’re going with this.
We’re not sure why James Storm is in his wrestling gear, but he is. And he’s WALKING! After that, we get a lot of stills from Bully Ray vs. Abyss. Then Bully and Roode are somewhere and Ray is happy he’s been trending on Twitter. And they say Twitter about forty more times. Ray says hes got Roode’s back but Roode is going to owe him a favour. Bully says if he gets Roode’s back, he then gets a title shot. They agree.
James Storm has made it out to the ring. It’s a bit funny that his entrance video is pretty much the same as Mickie James. He grabs a mic and says that things in TNA are starting to get sketchy. He calls out Kurt Angle, who obliges after a short pause. He tries to speak but Storm knocks the mic out of his hands. He wants to set a new record with Kurt. “Kicking a man in the teeth so fast that he poops them out.” If the people at Guinness World Records can get behind that, I’m all for it. Angle says he has the night off, he’s just here to see some friends. He says Storm will not get a rematch, he’s onto bigger things like the World Title. And obviously, Sting has to come out. First he says if Roode gets DQ’d tonight, Jeff wins the belt. Sting says tonight they have the rubber match, where the winner faces Hardy or Roode for the World Title. Sting tells him the bell rings after the break so Kurt better get ready.
James Storm vs. Kurt Angle
Does he really need another entrance? We just saw him. Kurt isn’t quite ready so there’s a bit of a stall before he comes out. Hebner rings the bell and starts counting Kurt out. Kurt sprints down still putting his gear on (which he said he didn’t have with him.) Storm is right on him once he slides in the ring at 9. Kurt ends up running into a ringpost, which Storm uses to his advantage working on the arm. Outside the ring he slams Kurt arm into the steps. After more action in the ring, Kurt rolls out to regroup again. Storm follows him and Kurt surprises him with an overhead suplex on the floor. After another break, Kurt has been in control and it stays that way until Storm and he jump into each other for a cross body block. This allows Storm to get back some offence and drops Kurt into a Back Stabber which is good enough for two. Back breaker. Storm goes up top and flies off but Kurt sticks a leg up. Storm stops himself short and sticks Angle into the Angle Lock. Kurt rolls through, kicks him into the corner and gets the Angle Slam! One, Two, Kick out. Kurt goes outside and grabs the beer bottle. Earl tells him to put it outside, but didn’t notice that Kurt had taken a swig. When his back is turned, Kurt spits it into Storm’s face then boots him in the face and covers. One…two…kick out. Kurt mocks Storm as he gets to his feet and slaps him. Storm bounces off the ropes, drops Kurt down into a Code Breaker then hits his last call Super Kick and covers him for three!
Jeff Hardy is walking and talking to the camera with his stupid half painted face.
Brooke Tessmacher gets herself a video package hyping her Hooters contest. Then Sting is talking to a film crew when Madison Rayne interrupts. She wants to give Sting the opportunity to make it official and name her VP of the Knockouts. He feigns excitement and wants a reason why he should. Somehow this ends up with Madison in a cage against Mickie next week.
World Title Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode
The second of our Genesis rematches to make those of us who bought it wonder why they bothered. And if I was to throw out a prediction, I’d have to say Storm winning previously means Hardy has no chance. Jeff dives through the ropes with a baseball slide onto Storm then batters him into the ringside barricades. Jeff drags him around ringside slamming him into things as we get a shot of Dixie Carter watching somewhere. Hardy catapults him into the ring post. They go back in the ring and the match officially starts. Two count for Jeff after a clothesline, then a sit out front suplex. After another ad break, Jeff whips Roode into the steps knee first. He gets the crowd to back up a bit and moves the steps so he can leap onto Roode. Storm moves and Hardy smashes into the rail HARD. Shattered hip would not have surprised me but he’s okay and the ref starts to count them out. Roode makes it back in the ring at seven, but Jeff is just lying there looking confused. Referee starts the count again…gets to 9.…Hardy just about makes it. Roode gets a Block Buster on him for a two count. Jeff manages to come back with a jaw breaker and his fold up leg drop for two. Whisper in the Wind gets him another two. Calls for Twist of Fate but Roode shoves him off and catches him with a Spine Buster. He tries a Fisherman Suplex but Jeff swings it around into a Twist of Fate! Up top he goes but he MISSES the Swanton! Two count only for Roode. Roode calls for Jeff to get up and after he struggles up dives at him. Jeff boots him as he gets near and gives him a Twist of Fate Stunner followed by a regular old Twist of Fate. He goes up top again and this time Swanton connects. One…Two…Referee is pulled out of the ring by Bully Ray! Jeff leaps over the ropes onto Ray and Storm crawls away. With no referee now, Jeff Hardy’s music just plays. I guess we aren’t getting a decision tonight. Oh well, at least we got two great main events out of it.
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This article was first posted on January 15, 2012