WrestleMania 3. Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant. I remember it well. I woke up and ate my Flinstone chewable vitamins and said some prayers. I then started persistently bugging my father to order the pay-pay-per view early to be “double safe”. He had to literally grab the glass of raw eggs from my hands as they were almost down the hatch. I had my Hogan toy wrestler beat Andre at least 50 times leading up to the event. You know the large plastic ones with that ring that was hard plastic with impossible ropes that never really worked right. Every single time Hulk would get the snot kicked out of him for about 10 minutes only to miraculously “Hulk Up.” The hands would make a fist and shake. He would then slam Andre hard on the mat followed by the big leg drop. One, two, three. The fans go crazy. Me whispering, “haaaaaaa haaaaaa”. In my best Guerilla voice, “Hulk has overcome insurmountable odds and has done it again!” Then, I tune in.
The moment was here. Even though I played it 50 times, I still anxiously waited with the same suspense. I was firmly gripping my plastic wrestler, donning my red and yellow sweat bands. Then, it happened. In an uncanny feat of foresight, my wrestling toys came to life. Sure enough, the same instance I played 50 times, came to fruition. Exactly the way I was hoping and dreaming it would. Hulk wins and I go nuts. I rip off my pre cut Hulkamania T-shirt. Singing, “Duh duh duh duh dunna nunna. When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside. Duh duh duh duh dunna nunna….” I didn’t even think about sleep until at least 2 hours after.
Fast forwarding a bit, here HE comes down to the ring. It’s Monday night and this clown, pandering to all the kids with his fruity pebble get up and cheesy catch lines. “Would tonight finally be the night he will get his?” “Would someone please stop putting him on last every night?” “This is boring crap and I refused to watch.” Then, it hit me. It was not wrestling that has changed.
If I was a kid, I would love Cena. He is exactly what I used to love in Hogan. So why would essentially the same wrestler, now, infuriate me so much? The answer is simple, because I lack the imagination to properly grasp the character and the marketing genius to squeeze every dime from it. They are both literal super heroes. Both are two larger than life huge men. To a child, it is very easy to see why these two are so idolized. They are everything you’re not and everything you want to be.
So I urge all fans. Just as my father had Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff, Rick Flair, and The Macho Man you too have Randy Orton, Dolf Ziggler, and CM Punk. The difference is, my dad never complained and never rooted against my hero. Enjoy it for what it is. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Some food for thought from a lifer.
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1 Comments
If you can’t stand Cena, just do what I do and watch TNA instead. TNA has better wrestling matches and the entire main event scene consists of exceptional workers.
I’d much rather cheer for Austin Aries and James Storm than watch John Cena or Sheamus destroy some hapless heel. TNA’s faces are human and have their successes and their failures. They aren’t near-unbeatable wrestlers that can’t be beaten without ridiculous amounts of cheating. Bobby Roode and Bully Ray are much more compelling heels than anybody in WWE.
Right now, TNA is running a face VS face feud between Austin Aries and Jeff Hardy. Hardy seeks redemption at TNA’s equivalent of Wrestlemania after his drug addiction nearly ended his career a year and a half ago (Hardy returned and has been in the best form of his career for the last year). Aries wants to be the huge star that Jeff Hardy is and prove that he’s the better man. The other major feud in TNA right now is between Roode and Storm. They were tag team partners for years. Last year, Roode main-evented Bound for Glory (TNA’s Wrestlemania equivalent) and lost as a face. Storm easily won the World Title the following week on Impact. 2 weeks later, Roode hit Storm with Storm’s trademark beer bottle to turn heel and become World Champion, which he held until July. Roode declared himself the leader of a “Generation of Selfishness” and said that he turned heel because it is no longer possible to succeed by doing things the “right” way. Storm ran through all the heels for 6 months to get another shot at Roode in the main event of Lockdown (the all-cage match PPV). Storm would go on to lose that match after he superkicked Roode out the door of the cage. Storm went home for 2 months to find out if he wanted to continue wrestling after the devastating loss and then returned and dominated the tournament to earn the title shot at Bound for Glory. Roode kept on winning matches for months with beer bottles until Aries defeated him for the title and then Roode walked out. He returned at No Surrender (the finals of the tournament) to hit Storm with a beer bottle and cost him a shot at the World Title. Although Roode VS Storm is not yet officially booked, these are almost certainly the 2 main events. There’s also the Aces and Eights faction of unnamed masked men that has been wreaking havoc for months. The reveal of who exactly the members of that faction are is probably coming in the next few weeks.
TNA has had the better product by far for at least the last year and their TV show is now live every Thursday night from 8-10 on Spike (the channel that used to air Raw). Why bother watching WWE’s kid-oriented product where the compelling wrestlers always lose when you can watch a better wrestling show that is actually targeted at an older audience? I just cannot fathom how the older WWE fans remain so loyal to their favorite promotion and pretend that they are the only national promotion when WWE doesn’t care at all about putting on a show that appeals to them and there is another national company that is specifically targeted at an older audience. There is a better option than stubbornly continuing to watch a kid-oriented promotion and refusing to watch the adult-oriented promotion that is simply better in pretty much everything (except for crowd size and production values).