WWE Raw Review 12/12/11 - Slammy Awards Show & Kane Returns

The Big News: A masked Kane returned to chokeslam John Cena, CM Punk won the superstar of the year slammy award and Triple H emerged after a two month hiatus to hype up his TLC match with Kevin Nash. In a Nutshell: The Slammy Awards somehow ended up being a reminder of the worse things of the year instead of the best. A Slammy Award video package opened the show which showed moments of previous ceremonies including some brief footage of Owen Hart's hillarious victory celebration on the night when he was actually supposed to be handing out the award.... "I did it again... wooooooo!!!!" That genuinely was hysterical. What was not so hysterical however was the segment which opened this three hour edition of Raw which saw Hornswoggle and Booker T present the slammy for the "tell me I did not just see that award". JR won for his shall we say unique dance from The Michael Cole challenge. Whilst the legendary announcer was accepting his award, Cole interrupted to address what a farce this all was. I was inclined to agree and it got worse from there as Booker T persuaded JR to face Michael Cole in a rap off inside the ring. Why? Because it was good ol' JR Burial time of course. Cole cut a dreadful rap and JR struggled to get a rap going but the fans still declared him the winner anyway. Booker T then convinced JR to do a spinaroonie and after some hand gesturing JR fell flat on his back and for a horrible moment I thought we were about to see a repeat of the god awful Ric Flair heart attack angle from WCW. Luckily however his arms and legs gradually begin to show life of movement as the most horrible spinaroonie attempt ever broadcast commenced. Not that I blame the man of course as he simply never should have been put in this position in the first place. Mick Foley and Ted Dibiase came out next to present the "holy shit slammy award!" and did a funny bit in which Dibiase explained that as a minister he was probably there to represent the holy aspect of the title therefore implying that Foley was there to represent the shit. The award rightfully went to Big Show and Mark Henry for the ring collapse finish to their match at Vengeance. In an amsuing line Show thanked the academy of sports entertainment and talked about how satisying it would be to put his World Championship gold right next to his slammy after the TLC PPV. He then said that as the award was supposed to represent the visually spectacular he would be much better suited to showing that off in the ring as opposed to standing there on the podium. With this in mind Show then walked down the ramp in a nice segue towards our first match of the night. 1.) Big Show defeated Wade Barrett via DQ Another crappy protective match that should never have been booked in the first place. There was a table, ladder and chair surrounding the ring and Barrett considered a move from the apron after witnessing Show's upper body on the table but Show recovered and smashed the table with his fist. Barret then went for a chair shot inside the ring but Show punched the chair which in turn caused Barrett to be disqualified. Seeing as Barrett didn't actually connect with the chair, I didn't really get this finish and it didn't do much for either party regardless. 1/2 * Former DX member and attitude era star Road Dogg came out to do a cool little rap before presenting the "pipebomb award" which was basically a montage of ridiculous mic moments from the past year. CM Punk won the award and came out with a mannequin with a blond wig to resemble Johnny Ace from his wrestling days. Punk said that he wanted to thank someone in the back who doesn't get the credit that he deserves, someone who is bland , boring and lacking in honor, pride and intelligence. He was talking of course about John Laurinaitis and played a mock lifetime achivement award video package which showed career highlights of Laurinaitis in his wrestling and current managerial days. Punk then did a spot on impersonation of Laurinaitis imitating the legendarily bad oscar speech of Sally "you really like me" Field. Lita returned to present the slammy for "Divalicious Moment of the Year" which was inexplicably won by Kelly Kelly for earning her first Divas championship as opposed to the awesome and brave top spot glam slam spot performed by Eve and Beth Phoenix. Kelly began to thank the audience in her high ditzy voice at which point Lita directed the most hillarious "who is this tool?" glare in her direction. Beth then came out to interrupt with Natalya and snatched the award but Kelly slapped her and got the award back as Lita held her arm out high. Santino and the Bella Twins presented the award for "OMG Moment of the Year", and did comedy revolving around a phrase that I think even most female teens wouldn't be caught dead uttering in 2011. Triple H won the award for tombstoning the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and returned to a big pop. He said that the biggest omg moment at Wrestlemania however actually transpired after his match with the deadman when The Undertaker was unable to leave the ring under his own power for the first time in his career. He talked about how he was the only man to leave the match walking that night and that nine months later Taker is no more and that the streak must now be at an end. Wow, I really hope this was not the early seed being planted for a third Hunter/Taker Wrestlemania Match. On a night when we've already got Rock and Cena that could not be anymore unnecesarry. Anyway, Hunter then turned his attention to Nash and replayed the footage of the sledgehammer attack from a couple of months back on Raw. He told Nash that he should have finished the job because now he is back and ready to kick some ass. He questioned whether their sixteen year friendship was ever really genuine at all or just built on lies and deception as two men scrambled their way to the top. He said however that this Sunday the lies and deception would be over with when he hammers his opponent over and over again with the weapon that temporarily put him on the shelf. David Otunga and Tony Atlas presented the slammy for trending superstar of the year. As Otunga tried to talk earnesty about the prize, Atlas laughed at him throughout and as juvenile as this was, it made me chuckle also. It was also quite counterproductive however as many people probably missed the point of what Otunga was saying which was that the first of the four nominated superstars to trend (Bryan, Ziggler, Ryder, Rhodes) in an upcoming fatal four way would take home the slammy. 2.) Fatal 4 way match: Dolph Ziggler defeated Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and Zack Ryder via pinfall Ryder and Bryan ran wild at the start landing a couple of dives from the outside before the heels recuperated and worked together to ground the high energy style of their opponents. This led to an amusing moment as Dolph put his foot on Bryan for the pinfall and then explained to an annoyed Rhodes that he was merely holding him down for him to contribute to the beatdown. When the ring was cleared, Ziggler then used the element of surprise to take Rhodes down with a roll up pin before the two heels lashed out at one another for real. Match then escalated into an exhilerating free for all that built towards a fantastic finisher-medley conclusion with Ziggler breaking Bryan's labell lock on Rhodes and taking him to the mat with a zig zag for the win. Can we get this match with ten extra minutes on PPV please? *** 1/2 Post-match Jerry Lawler announced that Zack Ryder had been the first man to trend and was hence the trending superstar of the year. Before he could celebrate however Ziggler took him out with his finisher and grabbed the slammy for himself. Christian came out to present the "Game Changer of the Year Slammy." Wow, surely they could have merged some of these titles together. Christian was still on his crutches and awarded himself the most courgeous moment of the year award for showing up whilst injured. He then mentioned the award that he was presenting and wondered why he wasn't nominated. And why for that matter was he not nominated for the superstar of the year category either? (very good question) He then blamed the fans for not displaying enough outrage at his misfortune in his quest for one more match. The actual award was won by Rock and Cena for agreeing to fight at next years Wrestlemania. Cena came out and did some comedy teasing The Rock's appearance and then feigned surprise that the man who said he would never leave couldn't even deliver a message via satellite. Cena then put over the importance of the match at Wrestlemania and wanted to make sure that Rock was as focused and determined as he was for that night in Miami. He also plugged Rock's own boot to asses catchphrase which kind of ruined what was otherwise a very good hype promo. 3.) Tag Match: Miz and Alberto Del Rio defeated CM Punk and Randy Orton via pinfall Punk began at an electric pace as he got the better of Miz with a go behind, snapmare, kick to the back, slam and a leg drop before tagging in Orton. Orton then hit a stomp, knee to the shoulder and threw Miz into the turnbuckle but Miz elbowed the viper on his charge and then took him out with a DDT to begin the start of a beat-down with his team-mate Del Rio. Orton escaped out of a Miz chinlock however with a back supplex to make the tag back to Punk who flew in to hit the tagged Del Rio with a crossbody. Punk then attempted a GTS on Del Rio but the Mexican fought out and led Punk towards the referee where Miz used the distracton to push Punk's neck back against the ropes. Miz and Del Rio proceeded to dominate Punk with Del Rio working the arm and Miz getting a near fall from his pateneted clothesline into the corner. Punk reached for the tag to Orton but out of nowhere Barrett emerged from the crowd and knocked Orton chin first to the apron before escaping into the crowd again. Punk avoided the charge of Miz and knocked Del Rio off the apron but his GTS was swiftly countered into a Skull crushing finale for the pinfall. Good match with lots of energy provided from the crowd. ***€€Post-match Miz and Del Rio double teamed Punk with a ladder and Miz then cut a promo on the champion as he was locked in a ladder assisted cross armbreaker. Miz told Punk to watch this footage for the next six days to prepare himself up for his match at TLC where he can guarantee that either himself or Del Rio will walk out as champion. Vickie Guerrero and Goldust came out to present the slammy for "A Lister of the Year" which was won by Snooki. They played a prerecorded message of her thanking the wwe and plugging a new season of Jersey Shore. I still can't fathom the reality television appeal of watching talentless or mediocre performers on screen when actual tv drama is currently in something of a golden era. Sure, some people might label as wrestling as trash but you can't deny the talent involved. Josh Matthews interviewed a very angry Mark Henry backstage. Henry warned Show that the worse was still to come and then said that after embarassing him last week, Cena should be less concerned with The Rock and more anxious about being inducted into the hall of pain. 4.) Sheamus defeated Jinder Mahal via pinfall Sheamus hit Mahal with his brogue kick whilst he was cutting a promo and then covered him for the win. I like clean finishes but this was just pointless. NR Rey Mysterio returned to present the slammy for "Superstar of the Year." He called out the nominees which were Randy Orton, The Miz, CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio, Mark Henry and John Cena and then announced CM Punk as the fan voted winner. Granted some lunatics are bound to have grouped together to vote non stop for their favoured superstars but it's still a really promising sign for Punk that he managed to beat Cena to this award. Not that WWE can be trusted to have kept it legitimate of course. Punk could not come out because of the beatdown he suffered and so in a nice touch of karma John Laurinaitis arrived to accept the award on his behalf. 5.) Mark Henry vs John Cena resulted in a no contest Henry squashed the life out of his opponent before Cena returned fire to land a back supplex and a five knucke shuffle. He then got the worlds strongest man in position for the Attitude Adjustment but Henry just crumbled flat on top of him in a pretty awesome spot. Henry proceeded to manhandle Cena in the corner and trap his opponent in a bear hug but Cena fought out, bounced off the ropes and launched himself at Henry only to fall straight into a worlds strongest slam.... * 1/2 At this point the lights went out and Kane's music hit to a a very good reaction from the crowd. He emerged wearing some hideous metal contraption but after chokeslamming Cena he took this off to reveal a much cooler red and black half mask underneath. The Good: A great night for the upper tier heels on this edition of Raw. We got the long, long awaited return of Kane in his mask although the initial steel contraption he was wearing over it made him look like the shockmaster, a visual which kind of diluted the power of the moment. However not only will this attire change breathe some much needed life into the stale, unscary bald character that we have become accustomed to over the better part of the last decade but could also provide John Cena with a sorely needed fresh feud before he prepares to take on The Rock at Wrestlemania. One could of course question why Kane didn't target Mark Henry i.e. the man who actually took him out of action but this can be easily answered in a promo explaining how he is thankful for Mark for awakening the beast inside of him. Miz and Del Rio also got some good heat on Punk with Miz scoring a clean pinfall following a sweet reversal of a GTS into a Skull Crushing finale and the pair then giving the champ a nasty beat-down with the assistance of the ladder thus promoting the barbaric nature of their title match this weekend. Very good stuff here which made the challengers look dangerous and on the same level as the man who made a fool out of them both the previous week. I liked the fact that Punk started the show by mocking Laurenitis with a hillarious video package tribute only for John Laurinaitis to return the favour later on by accepting the slammy for superstar of the year on his behalf. This was a nice bit of revenge for the general manager though someone like Vince McMahon would have done a much better job of eliciting true apathy from the crowd for this heel move. Good promo from Hunter in the final build for his TLC match with Nash. I think the threat of the sledgehammer will add a lot to the tension of the bout and they have enough material to put together a cool video package for both Smackdown and the PPV. Though I thought the slammy awards themselves were a dissapointment (see the bad) it was still really cool to see former and returning stars present the awards such as Foley, Dibiase, Mysterio, Lita, and Road Dogg. Having people the crowd respect hand over the trophies raises the esteem of the prize even if theat clearly wasn't the company MO on the night. It also should be stressed that the wwe still did a good job of promoting the PPV in spite of the awards show focus. The Bad: The concept behind the Slammy Awards is a good one as it can be used to develop feuds and even reignite past emotions such as when Shawn Michaels won the award for match of the year for his wrestlemania 25 match with Taker and then challenged the deadman to a rematch during his acceptance speech. This year however the majority of the awards and the video packages that accompanied them summed up everything that was bad about the wwe in 2011 i.e. the constant obsession with trying to be hip, outrageous and down with the celebrities. For example the match between Ziggler, Bryan, Rhodes and Ryder should have been for a rising star of the year slammy instead of the four men being nominated for trending superstar of the year, not only a title that no-one cares about but also pretty stupid in the sense that there is no way that these four men were the hottest wwe topics on the social networking scene in the past year. A rising star slammy actually does makes sense however and these arguably are the four men who would deserve to be contending for that honour. Also what was with the rest of the awards? A Lister, Pipe Bomb and Divalicious Moment of the Year? I'd much rather the company had actually promoted some of the great matches, promos, and moments that have occured in 2011 instead of trying to be cool and amusing. One or two joke awards are fine but superstar and game changer of the year were the only two that were actually treated seriously. And if you are going to award an A-Lister then how could you not hand the gong to Hugh Jackman, one of the few celebrity hosts who was actually tremendous fun in his role and gave the company more of a plug than he did for his own film. And finally, for the big award of the night, superstar of the year, we get a series of dull graphics with the superstars name attached to each one. How hard would it have been to dig out some cool footage for the one slammy that actually mattered and have some willing talking heads like Foley, Michaels, Hart and Austin praise the accomplishments of the nominated men. I understand that it is supposed to be a light hearted ceremony but for this award at least they could have actually taken the time to promote some of their talent instead of blabbering on about what is and isn't trending on twitter. The Ugly: How ironic that on a night that was supposed to be celebrating the best of the year we were treated to an interminable opening segment which reminded us of one of the worst things of the year with that being the incessant attempts to embarass JR. This time the poor man was forced to do an inpromptu rap and attempt a spineroonie and he looked ridiculous doing both, perhaps (and I'm just guessing here) because the man is a serious announcer and not a comedy act. A funny burial is entertaining though aimless but a cringeworthy burial is nothing more than a failure across the board. I still don't quite understand the purpose of matches where the company book lame finishes in order to protect the two men competing. If you don't want Big Show and Wade Barrett to lose any steam going into TLC then don't put them in a match together. This is why you have guys near the bottom of the card who you feed to men like Barrett and Show in order to promote their strength as competitors. Of all the current negatives in the wwe it is their inability to determine their own pecking order that is by far the most detrimental. Verdict: Miz and Del Rio getting some valuable heat, the cool spectacle of Kane returning and two good tv matches made up for the disappointing nature of the slammy awards. ***