WWE SummerSlam 2018: Star Ratings For All 13 Matches
A party to actually celebrate.
It's always nice when WWE doesn't take a massive sh*t in your face, isn't it?
This felt like a pay-per-view that needed to happen. It was a night of atonement.
WWE atoned for the infectious disease that was Carmella's SmackDown Women's Title reign even if, somehow, they still contrived to disappoint. WWE atoned for the normalisation/burial of the Finn Bálor character by restoring his aura within a matter of mark-out moments. WWE atoned for the gravest insult it has levelled against its fanbase since Steve Austin was advertised for Survivor Series 1999. WWE atoned even for its absurdly cynical and deadening decision to make every pay-per-view longer than Virgil's d*ck by laying out a main card that didn't quite feel like an eternity.
As great as SummerSlam was in patches, TakeOver: Brooklyn IV still delivered the match of the weekend. Adam Cole vs. Ricochet was an awe-inspiring hybrid of storytelling and spectacular workrate, as beautifully crystallised by Cole's Superkick moonsault counter. Ricochet is special - hence why Cole studied him so meticulously - and he proved just how special he is with a stunning hurricanrana to the outside that led to his victory.
But on Sunday, one match came d*mn close...
13. KICKOFF: Andrade 'Cien' Almas & Zelina Vega Vs. Rusev & Lana
After a fun spot of stereo posturing, Andrade ‘Cien’ Almas proved he’s far, far more than a curtain-jerker by leapfrogging over the top rope and, in one seamless notion, striking Rusev with an airborne baseball slide. Even by WWE standards, this was barely sold. Rusev immediately launched into a basic kick and punch sequence driven only by his as-yet-untapped bond with the audience.
Mercifully, the exchange between Lana and Zelina Vega was kept brief. It was pitched in every way their TV mini-programme wasn’t: Vega’s escapist heel work deprived the audience of it, rather than exhausting them with it, and she sold her out-of-her-depth comeuppance well enough with some hysterical squealing. At least she’s a non-wrestler, unlike Carmella, who does this as the SmackDown Women’s Champion.
“The incredible upwards ascent of Zelina Vega and Andrade ‘Cien’ Almas continues tonight at SummerSlam,” said Corey Graves after Vega botched the rope-assisted win. Read that sentence again.
What, tellingly, is wrong with it?
Star Rating: *1/2