15 Funniest Arnold Schwarzenegger One-Liners
Come gather round, and listen to the pithy deliveries of the Austrian oak.
This week sees the release of The Expendables 2 (our review HERE), but what has got me more excited has been the torrent of press releases surrounding further projects involving various members of the burly action hero posse. Most notably has been news of Arnold Schwarzeneggers impending two releases: The Tomb and The Last Stand. So far, in regard to the former, we have received a simple image of a graying and bearded Arnie in futuristic prison clobber. But the latter has treated us to both a poster and a trailer. The Last Stand is directed by Korean filmmaker Jee-woon Kim, who is better known for ultra violent and super brilliant films such as, A Bittersweet Life and I Saw The Devil. This mixture of Asian auteur and Austrian powerhouse pretty much guarantees that at the very least, The Last Stand will be unapologetically brutal and knowingly hilarious. If you dont believe me, then watch the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEMmL0uQYeY As you can see, it looks like Arnie is very much back on form. But one thing about the trailer that got me really hyped was the moment when Arnie comes crashing through a door and a bystander asks, How are you Sheriff? To which he replies, old. How brilliant is that! Not only does the set up make no sense at all (the answer isnt even in line with the question), but also it proves that the filmmakers are well aware of just what makes a great Arnie one-liner. The one-liner is an illustrious and almost sacred tool in any filmmakers kit. It has a rare legacy of forever being post-modern and meta. Whenever as story needs instant relief or a knowing glance at the audience, the one-liner is always there to facilitate. Arnold Schwarzenegger has developed a unique reputation as being the king of these pithy deliveries, and has developed his own unique style that is at once, awful yet insanely brilliant. Schwarzenegger has three ingredients in his delivery: the pun, the punch, and the wisecrack. The phrase, so bad its good, was no doubt invented to explain the paradoxical genius of his pun deliveries, with the likes of Youre not sending me to the cooler. And Youre luggage. The punch deliveries are the more refined and oft quoted ones such as Ill be back, and then the ever rib tickling wisecracks such as you are one ugly mother fker. The genius of this potent mix, when they work best, is when they are often unknowingly funny: almost innocently amusing. The key to an Arnie one-liner is this: 1) Dead pan delivery 2) A loose connection to the current situation 3) Polar opposite in tone to the current situation 4) And, for the character saying it - unknowingly funny Choosing just 15 funny Schwarzenegger one-liners from a catalogue of literally hundreds, is quite a daunting task. There is no study to support this, but I would suggest that, on average, the hulking star delivers a minimum of 6 stellar corkers per film. The likes of Ill be back and just bodies did not make the list because, as good as they are, they are not super funny. I have endeavored to get a mixture of wildly popular and lesser-celebrated one-liners. But I feel that each choice on this list is a fine example of Arnies orating brilliance and comic timing. So bring your toy back to the carpet, chill, and take a journey with me into the glorious world of Arnold Schwarzenegger. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3t6L9G6Hwo&feature=youtu.be Now! Collateral Damage Thats easy for you to say Cactus Jack Look whos talking Total Recall Youre fired True Lies Let off some steam Bennett Commando I did nothing. The pavement was his enemy - Twins Chill out. Dick-wad Terminator 2 Im not a pervert! I was just looking for Turbo Man doll Jingle All the Way Im not sting on you Red Heat Hey Christmas tree! Running Man Its not a tumor! Kindergarten Cop But Im all woman Junior Here is Sub-Zero. Now plain zero Running Man Put the cookie down! Now! Jingle All the Way Stick around - Predator Please feel free to make suggestions and comments, as undoubtedly there will be quotes that didnt make the list, and choices you disagree with. I could have easily made this list 200 Funniest Arnold Schwarzenegger One-Liners, but then again, I have a life to live.