5. If its a Horror and theres a Jock, a Popular Girl, a Geek and the Black Guy Dies Early
Weve all seen enough lame horror to be sick of this by now. And if youre not, Ill have to assume that youre either a child with a limited knowledge of the movies of yesteryear or, and Im sorry in advance, youre a complete moron. I dont know about you, but I dont need cardboard cut-outs of characters that are comprised entirely of stereotypical, easy-to-digest character traits to understand who it is I should root for. Not since I was what, 13? You can normally see this coming a mile off from the trailer, and admittedly youll see much less of it these days (audiences are generally getting smarter), but if you ever do find yourself in a movie in which youre met with an ensemble of annoyingly two-dimensional slasher-fodder dont be afraid to get up and leave before the film manages to patronise you with its ending. Chances are youre probably not going to miss anything you havent already seen a hundred times before. Notable exception: The Cabin in the Woods, which attempts a sort of parody of the classic teen slasher genre, and for my money, does a pretty decent job of it. But if the film youre watching is deadly serious about its cast of blatantly formulaic characters, you might as well just leave early and re-watch an old Friday the 13th movie when you get home. At least that way youre drinking from the source.