It is not only humans that must suffer with complete strangers claiming they are dead in order to sell tabloids. Humphrey, the Downing Street cat (to give him his proper title, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office) has kept the rodent problem down in the echoing halls of power for decades, under many heads of state such as Magaret Thatcher, John Major and Tony Blair. However, his death has been erroneously reported twice. Firstly in 1995, a government spokesman announced that Humphrey had died in absentia, because he had been missing since June. In actuality, he had simply wandered down the road a few doors, and had been taken in by the Royal Army Medical College as a stray cat. Downing Street issued a statement which read,
I have had a wonderful holiday at the Royal Army Medical College, but it is nice to be back and I am looking forward to the new parliamentary session.
This may explain the state of British politics. A cat managed to give a statement from one of the most powerful governments in the world. Humphrey the magical speaking cat managed to die again in 1997, when there were allegations placed against Cherie Blair (wife of Prime Minister Tony Blair) that she disliked the cat so much that she had had him killed. The government officially claimed that he had simply gone into retirement and no one could see him. Alan Clark MP brought the matter before Parliament and demanded that the government prove that Humphrey was still alive. The government was forced to release photographs of Humphrey posing with the day's newspapers as proof (which couldn't have possibly been mocked up by any halfwit with photoshop in a matter of seconds!). Humphrey actually passed away (or so we are led to believe by an announcement from Tony Blair) in March of 2006. House of Cards but with the entire cast played by cats would be fantastic, wouldn't it?
