10 Reasons Greek Mythology Is Messed Up

The Trojan War is perhaps the most recognizable event in Greek mythology -the epic “I want my wife back!” conflict which literally reduced a splendorous city to ashes.

Zeus entrusted Paris, prince of Troy, with the verdict on one of the daily divine issues: a beauty pageant where Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite competed with each other for a golden apple. Nonetheless, because of his indecision the whole thing turned into an auction. Aphrodite’s offer (the love of the most beautiful woman in the world) won and led the other two to promise they would put the “Troy” in “destroy”.

Unfortunately, the woman, Helen, turned out to be married, so Paris just eloped to his city with her. Menelaus, Helen’s husband and king of Sparta, wasn’t happy. Oh boy, he wasn’t.

His brother Agamemnon summoned all Greek governors on Aulis, where they organized a retrieval. But not everyone was willing to go to war just because someone’s partner was missing. Two of the greatest soldiers resorted to little honorable stratagems: Ulysses pretended to be mad and Achilles disguised as a woman. Very clever... if it'd been a Three Stooges gag.

When they were uncovered and convinced, they finally left, but a storm scattered the armada, some got lost and, after a while, they reunited on Aulis again. Then, a new problem arose: there was no wind. Ships couldn’t set sail. The only solution was evident: Agamemnon had to sacrifice his daughter, Iphigenia. After it was done, they left again. It took the Greeks several years to arrive at Trojan land before the actual 10-year war could begin.

Pff, better get another wife, you lunatic.