10. Now Thats What We Call Irreconcilable Differences
In February 2007, Anthony Miller walked into the Ephrata National Bank in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, held a gun in the air and demanded that tellers begin collecting bills together. Sticking around for four minutes, he left with the cash and was collared by police on the way out of the door, some bright spark having triggered the silent alarm. So far, so average even the fact that the weapon was a BB gun, purchased from Wal-Mart that day, isnt that usual. But Miller had no prior run-ins with the law on his record, and when asked why hed committed the crime, replied that he was desperate for some time away from his abusive, domineering wife. In the bank, hed repeatedly asked the staff whether theyd called the police yet he was anxious to be taken in. Miller and his wife had run into problems only a couple of years after marrying in 2004, but she had threatened to overdose on pills if he tried to leave her. Suffering from depression and without the medical insurance to cover the medication necessary to manage it, Miller had a minor breakdown and, extraordinarily, came to see this extreme action as the only way to get away from his wife: substituting a real life ball and chain for the metaphorical one. At sentencing, Miller was given three to six years in jail and a recommendation for counseling. His defense attorney asked the court to note that Millers wife had come to collect his car after his arrest, and that the arresting officer had wryly noted that after twenty minutes in her company he was ready to go to jail along with Miller. Rumours that the court had a hearty guffaw at this and then fined the lawyer for contempt of comedy are unsubstantiated hearsay at best.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
