12 Completely Insane Inventions That Actually Got Made

The Baby Cannon (or more accurately “The Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force”) is possibly the future of childbirth.

Women make a real ordeal out of the process of birth, but really, it's just a matter of applying the correct forces.

Rather than participating in all of that self-indulgent "pushing" malarky, this invention will enable mother-to-be to fire her offspring out of her body like a sling-shot, doing away with the need for all of that tedious hand squeezing and accusatory shouts of "You did this to me".

The labouring mother is strapped securely to the turntable when she feels as though she's ready to give birth. She is then spun around at high speeds, thus generating enough G-force to gently ease the infant out. There is a “pocket-shaped reception net” at one end of the table to receive the newborn, but some midwives may prefer to use a catcher's mitt instead.

The 1965 patent specifies that this device has been invented in order to counteract the fact that most "Civilised women" would not deign to develop any muscular strength of their own, in order to maintain a ladylike demeanour, and will often therefore struggle in the act of pushing a whole other human out of themselves.

And there is, of course, a handbrake.