Words cant adequately express how awful the Northern line is. No one likes being on a packed tube train during rush hour. No seats, the heat, the chaos. Being pressed up so close to the person next to you that you can smell what their wife had for breakfast. Its awful. But the Northern line takes all the terrible clichés of travelling on the London Underground, and cranks that sh*t up to a whole new level. For starters, the Northern line seems to be the deepest, so it almost always requires a stupidly long walk and miles of stairs to even get there. It makes you wonder if it wouldnt have made more sense just to walk to your destination instead of into the depths of Satans small intestine. When you do make it, youre inevitably met with the stinking fetid heat of a thousand sweaty commuters crammed along the platform. If youre lucky enough to make it onto the 3rd or even 4th train to come along, youve done well. Once you have made it onto a Northern line train during rush hour, with the lack of space you experience, the old sardine can analogy is really not even adequate any more. Its a God damn miracle that with the heat and pressure produced on one of those trains, that the occupants of the entire carriage arent instantly turned into some new kind of new fossil fuel.
Created in a petri dish in an underground lab, I was originally designed by scientists to carry out high-profile assassinations for the CIA. Unfortunately, something went wrong and my only skill was writing list-based articles. So now I do that instead.
