8. Contain Our Excitement When The Weather Changes
Studio CanalWait, the perpetual curtain of clouds is finally going to lift? We're facing the hottest summer for 1,000 years? And the prices of suntan lotion have actually dipped below £20 a bottle? There's only one thing for it: an ill-fated barbecue gathering. Yep, the prospect of going outside for leisure and potentially tanning our perpetually porridge-coloured skin is far too juicy for any decent Brit to resist. The second a weatherman lets slip that maybe tomorrow won't be as cloudy as yesterday, all havoc breaks loose. Bournemouth beach instantly disappears under masses of swimwear-clad sun-worshippers, the motorways all overspill with horrendous traffic, and Sainsbury's run out of discount paddling pools faster than you can say "imminent water shortage". Yep, we Brits are so bogged down by the cloudy curtains above that we leap at any clues as to a change of skyline. Which is actually a bit of a shame, because, as many of us are well aware of, we are also unable to...
7. Deal With Snow
HBOThe second you begin to take on a particular level of responsibility, the connotations of descending snowflakes transform from heady, wonderful delights into instant harbingers of misery and fear. Snow ceases to be a cause for fun and games in the great outdoors, and instead is rendered an unwanted adversary in the face of getting home from work on time. Deep down, we all know we're going to be all right, and that the headlines ("KILLER ARCTIC BLAST" seems to be a favoured expression) are probably a teensy bit overblown. But that still doesn't stop us from frantically making a beeline for the petrol station, spending our life savings on all the bread and milk left in ASDA, and preparing candles throughout our homes in anticipation of the societal breakdown that this next cold snap is bound to provoke. After all, if we truly are facing "THE COLDEST WINTER IN A CENTURY", it's only rational to behave so erratically.