11. They Know The Sizes Of The Apollo Astronaut's Manhoods
The three brave astronauts selected for the Apollo 11 mission had to go through a lot before they were ready to land on the Moon. There was the rigorous training in simulators designed to replicate the effects of zero gravity and the high amount of Gs sustained whilst taking off in a space shuttle, the endless weeks and months spent getting to grips with the complicated onboard computers and the actual process of flying the rocket that would take them where no man hand gone before, and that's before you get into all the nitty-gritty science stuff of what they were actually going to do up there once they'd bungled a speech and planted a flag. On top of all that, the trio had to disclose to NASA the exact measurements of their penis. Getting it wrong could've been the difference between life or death. That isn't some line spun by a pervy NASA techie who later got struck off for sexual harassment, but an actual reality of how weird space travel is. What with being in zero gravity in a tiny ship and all, going to the toilet wasn't easy for the Apollo 11 astronauts. Which meant they had to wear nappies. Special space nappies otherwise known as Maximum Absorbency Garment systems, which included a condom-like "sheath" that fitted over their manhoods with a hole at the end for urination inside their suits. If ego took over and they tried to say they were bigger than they actually were, the sheath wouldn't fit and loose wee would flood their spacesuit. Which would be gross and potentially life-threatening. Luckily the huge rocket the group were riding didn't cause any feelings of inadequacy...
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
