23 Problems Only Journalists Will Understand

13. Writing An Article To Record Speed, Then Spending The Rest Of The Hour Working Out The Headline

If you can pass this task to the editor, that's simply splendid. If you can't, the whole procedure slowly grinds you down to an obsessive mess of which words no longer have meaning to. Remove that "the", change that adjective, put the "the" back in, delete it all and write it again.

If you're an online journo, you have to work with the fact Google is a miserable swine. Google does not laugh when you're sat rocking like Smeagol, delighted with the witty headline you just crafted, instead your SEO is being sacrificed for wordplay. Damn you, Internet.

12. The Rules Of The AP Stylebook

The Bible we both love and despise: with it's persnickety little rules of spelling, grammar, capitalisations, abbreviations, and basically, everything you write. But, it's been the law since 1953 - so deal with it, okay? Damn it, we meant OK.

11. Magically Being Able To Write Better When There's Coffee On Your Desk

Without coffee, we wouldn't be the journalists we are today. That's because we'd be in prison. As soon as you plonk that delightful little cup of caffeine on your desk and those adrenal glands start pumping, you're basically Pulitzer Prize material. No good writer got anywhere without those little beans.

10. Until It Gets To 3pm, That Is

Coffee is a cruel mistress. She takes time-out when it gets to midday, and no longer plays until about 10pm, when you're lying in bed with palpitations from the metric f*ck-tonne of Americanos you've consumed all day.