8 Basic Functions That Humans Totally Fail At

Hate to break it to you, but you're pooping wrong.

Well, that is if you do it like pretty much every other human in the west - perched upon a porcelain throne, perhaps with a magazine and a good ten minutes of solitude ahead of you. Unfortunately this format is all wrong - a professor at Cornell university has even gone so far as to call the modern, sit-down toilet “the most ill-suited fixture ever designed.”

Humans, and pretty much every other mammal on the planet, are designed to squat when they poop. This means that everything aligns properly, opens up, relaxes and allows for a smoother, er, departure. The hunched-over-sitting-position not only takes longer, but increases the risk of health problems such as constipation and haemorrhoids.

Don't even think about picking up that newspaper on your way in either. Contrary to popular belief, relaxing and taking your time on the crapper is the one of the worst things you can do. The combination of relaxed sphincters and straining just opens you up to a whole world of pain. Squatting is where it's at.

Okay, it might be a little impractical to suddenly expect you to perch precariously on your nice, civilised western toilet, but there is a compromise. Take a small stool (the kind you put your feet on, not the other kind) with you in to the bathroom to elevate your feet a little for faster, smoother super-poopin' satisfaction.