A man, let's call him Fred, was in a taxi home after an Eastbourne darts tournament when he realized he didn't have enough money to cover the fare and was duly kicked out of the cab. As he'd drank at least eight pints it made sense to head to Hailsham Police Station to own-up his crime. Unfortunately, on this late night in 1998, the station was locked so the 29-year-old decided to climb through a bathroom window and leave his confession on an answering machine. Once inside, after drunkenly breaking the said machine, he was overcome by public duty and pulled on a uniform in order to man the deserted front desk. To keep himself busy he began to fill out an incident form detailing his own misdeeds. When some time later an actual policeman arrived Fred welcomed him with a friendly 'Evenin' All' as he rocked on his heels. The would-be cop was charged with a number of offences but as his taped interview was played at Lewes Crown Court it became clear there would be no conviction. Fred was an extremely affable man and the jury, lawyers, court officials plus police officers present couldn't stop laughing as they heard his account of how the night unfolded. The judge wisely decided to call a halt to proceedings and told the hysterical jurors they should just go ahead and find the defendant not guilty.
