A player cannot, in England, merely return to play against his former club. He must come back to haunt them, like Dicken's Scrooge on a revenge mission to ruin Christmas. From the minute any player who previously played for the opposing side steps onto the pitch, you can sense the commentator's vulgar anticipation from behind the television screen. He's itching for the player to score a goal, or at least provide a defence-splitting pass that leads to a goal, so he can pull out the cliche that's on the tip of his tongue. In the modernday game, when players bounce from club to club like they're strapped to a space hopper, this cliche has become one of the most tedious around.
