8 Fictional Characters Who Should Definitely Get The England Manager's Job

Eat my goal! North Norfolk’s finest mid-morning DJ’s passion for sport knows no bounds, because it literally does not exist. When the hell did that ever stop anybody though?

Truth be told, Partridge may be the nation’s only hope in these times of uncertainty; the man knows what it’s like to bounce back from failure. With years of experience in the media behind him, there’s no doubt that the Norwich native could handle the pressure that comes with being England manager, with the only minor blips on his record being the time he gorged on Toblerone while driving to Dundee in his bare feet, and also that time when he shot and killed someone on live TV. Still more careful than Allardyce though, riiiiight?!

When it comes to match day, the sight of Partridge on the touchline in shorts (he's had them since 1982, but the underpant lining has since perished) often has social media in a frenzy, and his viral popularity knows no bounds - not least because of his weirdly abrupt tweets saying things like, "That was a goal", and "Smell my cheese, you mother!"

His flagrant refusal to come to London for matches (something about “not being on the ‘BBC gravy train”) has made him popular among East Anglians, with the Three Lions now playing their home games at Carrow Road, “as a favour to Delia Smith”. On the pitch however, the team have delivered clumsy and unprofessional performances, with one tabloid labelling him “!*$% P*ss Partridge”. Needless to say he had the last laugh by firing his entire backroom staff of narcissistic sports pimps, saying “sod all that” to the tactics and just playing some damn good liquid football. Back of the net!