6 Match Star Ratings For WWE Royal Rumble 2022

The build to the 2022 Royal Rumble was either funny or upsetting, depending on the extent to which you're numb to the whole thing.

Almost every women's division act you've been asked to invest in on SmackDown over recent months has vanished, quit, or been released. There is a wrestler on the show capable of firing lightning from her hands, and she's still not considered worthy of promoting as an attraction. WWE would rather ring TNA than put a real-life sorceress on telly.

The men's match was a similarly star-bereft deal with no clear winner. Most predictions were informed by the "Depends on the f*ckery in the title matches" variable, and the build was limited to Rey Mysterio playing peekaboo with his large adult soon.

WWE couldn't bring themselves to present Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley as equals in what was a sobering development, not that jolly Brock Lesnar isn't amazing. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins trading "shoot" insults in a hastily-arranged all-heel storyline was Paul Heyman at his absolute laziest.

Maryse was great value - better value than actual comedy film star Johnny Knoxville, whose stuff was Sami Zayn was just wretched. Jackass is funny. It's stupid, but it's funny. WWE couldn't even hit Sami in the c*ck with an oversized prop. They couldn't even do slapstick.

As for the show itself...?

The show started on such an incredible note.

The second that the Shield's theme dropped, you couldn't help but melt into a wry, appreciative smile. It was more than a neat moment of nostalgia; Seth's attire choice made sense of and even enhanced a bad, hastily-thrown-together build. This word has been bastardised beyond recognition, but the moment was so cool and inspired that it went some way towards making people forget that the Shield have reformed multiple times since 2014.

The match itself pulled at this thread artfully too; Seth, who was on sensational 2015 form, worked the match as if he'd spent hours and hours drilling into Roman's psyche. The callbacks weren't mere fan service. Rollins unleashed the "Shield bomb", countered the Spear into a Pedigree and played the frantic aerial artist of 2012-2014 as a way of unsettling Roman, who was nowhere near the worker Seth was when the Shield were a breakthrough full-time unit. Roman was brilliant too in a match refreshing for its lack of methodical, we-tell-stories posturing; his 2.9 kick-outs sold the shock result with exquisite dramatic timing.

The match peaked before the finish, and the finish was bobbins.

It was as annoying as it was puzzling, looking at the full picture. Reigns went full heel, and later realigned with Paul Heyman, preserving their face/heel dynamic. So why have Brock Lesnar eliminate hometown star Randy Orton and last eliminate a returning babyface?

Getting disqualified for kicking too much ass isn't storytelling; it's an excuse to prolong a story for content's sake.

Star Rating: ★★★½