The Secret Reason WWE Is Failing

Riddle, Damian Priest, & Keith Lee have all been called up to the main roster of late. Too late...

Randy Orton Mask
WWE

Might as well go all in on the burial here: one suspects WWE is at this point inherently incapable of functioning as a good pro wrestling company. Hell, they even resent the designation.

WWE's problems are self-evident, i.e. not a secret to anybody capable of processing sensory stimuli. The scripting is godawful; every week, something laughable tumbles out of some hapless prick's mouth. Riddle's brain is comprised entirely of sh*t. Randy Orton in literally the same breath can't work out whether he has suffered a first-degree burn or been burnt to "a crisp". On last week's NXT, the brand aimed to get emerging cruiserweight Curt Stallion over as a charming, wistful southern-drawlin' dreamer humble and hard-workin' enough to make the towns. He told the story of how he arrived at his name.

"I'm lookin' out the window and I see tumbleweeds blowin'. So I decided to look up. Know what I see then? Shootin' stars. I follow those shootin' stars with my eyeballs, and at the very end of the skyline there's a big, burnin', bright star in the sky, brightest thing out there. And at that moment I decided, I knew: Curt 'The Lone Star' Stallion. That road I'm travellin' down, it represents the life I wanna lead. It represents freedom."

Couple of things: what else is he going to follow those shootin' stars with, his f*ckin' feet? And if he wanted a life of freedom, he probably should have signed with AEW so that he didn't have to cut this hilarious scripted promo.

The booking is largely awful.

CONT'D...(1 of 6)

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Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!