WWE Crown Jewel 2019: 9 Results Predictions
Step aside, Rubik: WWE have devised a truly unsolvable booking puzzle.
Yes! It's time for the greatest date in the pro-wrestling calendar, as the Crown Jewel chronology continues with a frankly unbelievable sequel in Saudi Arabia! Did you ever think you'd see another after last year's gobsmacking spectacle? How could WWE possibly hope to top it?
Not easily: the inaugural Crown Jewel featured the retired Shawn Michaels and an injured Triple H against an actual mayor, not a comedy ceremonial mayor, but an actual mayor, and The Undertaker, the most legitimate contender despite being 53.
In the main event.
And somehow, that wasn't even the event's biggest talking point. This ludicrous Last of the Summer Wine special was a mere sideshow against the context of the Jamal Khashoggi scandal, which would have seen any other company call whole thing off. Not WWE, however.
Oh, and don't forget the fact that women, several days removed from an all-female pay-per-view, were prohibited from competing.
It was really quite something.
Nevertheless, Crown Jewel 2 has tried as hard as possible to match it. It has Cain Velasquez competing for the company's top title on his debut. It has Tyson Fury... that's it, it has Tyson Fury. It actually has a women's match! That's a possible step in the right direction, were it not a mere concession. And ultimately, it'll still be a glorified puff piece for a specific ruling family.
Long live Crown Jewel.
9. Humberto Stands Tall Amidst 24/7 Nonsense
WWE have a good thing on their hands in Humberto Carrillo, and amidst a general sea of despair, it's genuinely positive that they recognise the fact enough to push him.
Unfortunately, they are going about it in a typically backwards manner. Though the Mexican impressed during his obviously futile debut match opposite Universal Champion Seth Rollins, he was squeezed into one of Max Moon's old costumes and looked utterly ridiculous for it. He arrived much less like a Butlins' stock wrestler on this week's episode, but crucially, lost again. Yes, it was against AJ Styles, but this route will ultimately define the rookie as a loser. A big-hearted loser, but a loser nonetheless.
What's the most WWE thing imaginable for him next, then? Obviously, it's to be the last man standing in a pre-show battle royal otherwise filled with absolute nobodies, 205 refugees, and Shelton Benjamin, after they all contrive to eliminate themselves over the 24/7 Championship. He'll then go on to face AJ Styles in another theoretically high-profile championship contest - which he probably has to lose.
Prediction: It's Carrillo, claro.