“…you’re going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. The special Hell.”
Shepard Book from Firefly seems to have a grasp on what we’re going to be discussing, though “people who talk at the theater” is pretty general, and at the same time doesn’t begin to cover the spectrum of annoying people at the movie theater. How about we have a go at it? Here are ten types of annoying people you’re bound to encounter at some point during your cinematic viewing life. Take a note from Scar in The Lion King and be prepared.
10. The Questioner
Normally, it’s your friend. The person you brought along with you for a date or just a nice evening out. And you’re starting to get worried, because you’re realizing that this friend can, apparently, only understand anything spoken if it’s reiterated by you. “How does this person get by in daily life?” Albeit, they may not have to deal with the extreme circumstances that Batman faces in The Dark Knight Rises, but the fact that they’re able to pull a question out of what seems like every single movie scenario seems more like a testament to their blatant ignorance than anything else.
And sometimes, they even are paying attention. They’re just confused and muddled by what’s going on. Maybe it’s because the dialogue has shifted into techno-babble or scientific lambada, but whatever the reason, you’re often sitting there with the split-second decision of letting the person talk to the side of your face as you try to keep up yourself, or you give in and spend the rest of the film playing catch-up with the instigator.
Maybe they mean no harm, but you’ll be quite convinced that by the time you both leave the theater, you’ll have met the first person you knew you could get away with chopping up into pieces.
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12 Comments
Terrible and utterly pointless list.
#1- annoying c*nts. end of list
You’re the internet version of number 3 arent you?
What about the 14-16 year olds who think its oh so hilarious to through popcorn?
Or just teenagers in general? The hazard of going to a pg-13 horror movie in theaters? Not the lack of gore, sex and language oh no. It’s that teenagers can come in act like total hooligans and make the experience a nightmare. Last theater experience involved a group of girls who would not shut up (okay its a horror movie but they were screaming at stuff that was not scary) and a teen boy who had something stupid to say everytime someone did something. “Oh don’t open that closet! I warned you!” You know I can see thanks. Ugh teenagers.
I encountered another type when I went to see Skyfall on opening weekend. The guy that won’t let you by him once the movie starts. Yes, granted I was a slight offender of #1 (I do this maybe once in every 10-15 movies), but it was within the first two minutes of the movie, and the only reason I was late was because I had to take two trips to carry food for multiple people and my pizza slice had to cook. The guy basically ignored me when I said excuse me and refused to move his huge legs, even when his neighbors tapped him after several seconds since I was now in their way as well. I ended up having to struggle to climb over him without spilling everything – although I was really close to “accidentally” dropping my soda on him – it would have been worth the $5. Or letting myself fall and cry out in distress to make him look worse to the people around him. Needless to say I was very taken aback and hurt by this display of coldness.
So maybe we should extend the #1 suggestion: If someone disrupts your viewing by needing to go by you, please be courteous for your sake, your clothes’ safety, and the others around you. Not everyone may decide to be as meek as I was.
Good list, had plans to do a very similar one a while back.
Only one I disagree with is 5, the exclaimer. This to me just shows they’re into the movie and is part of the communal movie going experience. Especially when it comes to horror films, I’d say the exclaimer is a good thing, you cant blame someone for being sucked -in.
Hate texting in the cinema, and the advert says to put your phone on silent, turn it off!
Possible additions: never understood why people cant go 2-3 hours without going to the toilet, you know how long a film is likely to be, go before you enter and dont buy a bucket of coke.
Really cant stand latecomers. Especially the ones that are still determined to find a good seat. You don’t deserve a good seat, they’re for the people that got here on time!
Not bad, but you left out The Hacker. The inconsiderate ass who decides to see a movie with a head cold and spends the night coughing in you ear!
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Now this article is complete.
Last time I was at the theater I was nearly driven mad by the “seriously heavy breather” You could hear this guy breathe from all the way across the theater, and I was two seats away so it was all the worse. And what can you do? “Hey buddy stop breathing!” Yeah not so much.
I’m totally guilty of #7. I’m a full-blown fidgety Fred. I always feel sorry for the poor soul who sits next to me.
I like you article made alot of agreeable points I went to see the hobbit with a friend of mine and they were 13-15 yr old kids behind use being noisy and constantly talking and throwing popcorn.
Then went to les misreables yesterday ( awesome film ) and the way the screening was layed out no matter where you sit you have to get up for people and it got the film and people ran late so about 5 of us has to get up o let them past then 30 mins later one of those people for up to use the bathroom had to get up to let them go and sit back down and then again 15 mins later for another person it was annoying