“…you’re going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. The special Hell.”
Shepard Book from Firefly seems to have a grasp on what we’re going to be discussing, though “people who talk at the theater” is pretty general, and at the same time doesn’t begin to cover the spectrum of annoying people at the movie theater. How about we have a go at it? Here are ten types of annoying people you’re bound to encounter at some point during your cinematic viewing life. Take a note from Scar in The Lion King and be prepared.
10. The Questioner
Normally, it’s your friend. The person you brought along with you for a date or just a nice evening out. And you’re starting to get worried, because you’re realizing that this friend can, apparently, only understand anything spoken if it’s reiterated by you. “How does this person get by in daily life?” Albeit, they may not have to deal with the extreme circumstances that Batman faces in The Dark Knight Rises, but the fact that they’re able to pull a question out of what seems like every single movie scenario seems more like a testament to their blatant ignorance than anything else.
And sometimes, they even are paying attention. They’re just confused and muddled by what’s going on. Maybe it’s because the dialogue has shifted into techno-babble or scientific lambada, but whatever the reason, you’re often sitting there with the split-second decision of letting the person talk to the side of your face as you try to keep up yourself, or you give in and spend the rest of the film playing catch-up with the instigator.
Maybe they mean no harm, but you’ll be quite convinced that by the time you both leave the theater, you’ll have met the first person you knew you could get away with chopping up into pieces.
This article was first posted on November 28, 2012