Since it first drooled acidic excellence over the movie world in 1979, the Alien series has emerged as one of the most franchisable science fiction properties out there.
With the release of Alien: Covenant, the series now boasts eight feature films (including the supposedly-not-Alien-but-obviously-is-Prometheus), a much-celebrated bonus appearance in Predator 2 and a whole bunch of comic books, video games, tabletop games and all sorts of other chestbursting, KY-dribbling goodness.
But here’s the thing:
Only the first 2 1/2 Alien movies are actually any good. And because our mission in life is to destroy what you love, here are the reasons why...
A defining feature of the xenomorph is its life cycle. It goes Queen-egg-facehugger-slavering death machine-presumably a Queen at some point-egg. The basics of this are established in Alien, including how the facehugger makes special friends with John Hurt and his chest explodes a day or two later.
Except the makers of everything after Alien3 forgets all this. Specifically, the chestburster acquires miraculous rapid birthing powers and starts erupting from poor idiots’ ribcages after about five minutes. It’s a first indication among many that the makers of the later Alien movies may not have actually watched the earlier ones.