Terrific action movies like Die Hard entertain us with white-knuckle suspense, larger-than-life villains and expensive set pieces, but theyre about as rare as intellectuals in the political system. Once youve spent a few years watching multiplex movies, you learn to be grateful every time a half-decent popcorn flick comes down the turnpike. Hell, even The Expendables 3 will do, and that movie was so routine that even Bruce Willis didnt want to do it. We dont want Great Art, just two hours of escapism that doesnt leave us feeling like weve been had. Action cinema went off the rails when the likes of Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Seagal became mega-successful and turned their back on the glorified B movies that made them famous in order to appear in overblown junk. Instead of The Terminator, First Blood and Above The Law, we got Last Action Hero, Tango & Cash and On Deadly Ground, movies with slick technical proficiency rather than any real heart. These kind of pictures, which are more interested in box office than in giving audiences a good time, neglect an unspoken yet rudimentary rule of escapism: we are here to have fun, not watch ice melt for two hours while feeling disappointed. To follow, you will find ten of the worst offenders, pictures that arent bad enough, or dramatic enough, or funny enough to qualify as entertainment on any level.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
