10 Iconic Video Game Mascots (That Actually Suck)

4. Sonic

Sonic the Hedgehog (because apparently there's only one hedgehog) is a small blue animal capable of running at super speeds and jumping exceptionally high. Thinking about it he doesn't really look much like a hedgehog, given he's bright blue wears big red trainers. But Superman isn't a man either, so perhaps we're just not supposed to think about their names too much. Their creators clearly didn't. Originally Sonic was a kind of animal saviour, freeing trapped creatures that Dr Robotnik had imprisoned to power his machines (because video games). The whole thing seemed like a message about how animals and nature are mistreated by humans, with our magic hedgehog protagonist being their salvation. After his high commercial success things started going downhill for the poor blighter though. You see there's not much you can do with a character whose only abilities are jump and run. Sonic was designed to be fast, making complex platforming out of the question, as it would be impossible to avoid constantly slipping off ledges into Game Over. Making him a mascot caused him to be loved, which in turn meant he couldn't really be changed, as the thing about mascots is they have to be consistent or all effect is lost. This is why so many other characters, such as Big, Knuckles, and Rogue the Bat, were added to the games. SEGA weren't able to change Sonic, so they just built stuff around him to compensate. Sadly this doesn't change the fact Sonic himself is pretty crappy, trapped in his unchangeable role by the mascot status he so proudly wears. It's a classic example of success breeding misery, like Henry Winkler but with more spikes. Also, the spin-off Were-Hog doesn't make sense. That would be a man-cross-hedgehog, not a wolf-cross-hedgehog. Geez SEGA, can you guys not even speak Latin?
 
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Oldfield is a journalist, reviewer, and amateur comic-book writer (meaning he's yet to be published). He's a man who'll criticise anything, even this biog, which he thinks is a bit crap. For notifications on when new articles are up and game related news, follow him on his Twitter account @DunDunDUH

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