Nintendo Direct this past week revealed a great deal about the company's upcoming plans for their burgeoning Switch, though pretty much every juicy detail has since been drowned out by the lascivious leak of Super Mario's most candid snapshot yet. In a month when we learned that the Mushroom Kingdom's finest is no longer a plumber, so we were also afforded our very first glimpse of his glorious man nozzles. People have been unsure how to react.
A fair few have been moved to discomfort, rocked by an outdated belief that bare teats are inherently evil and should be sheathed at all time. Others have taken an opposite view, grateful that such a star would throw his hat (or his shirt) in the ring labelled 'free the nipple'.
Mario might claim to be a trailblazer, but he's also a fraud. Male heroes of video games have been whipping them out for years, and no one has ever lost any sleep over it. It helps when you're not the focus of intense objectification. That isn't our remit here though; we've no desire to rank nipples, because that's not normal behaviour. But we do want to take a non-discriminatory look at them.
These 10 stiffened in the wind long before Mario ditched the dungarees.
Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know).
He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.