Another night at home with the console, eh? Just you, the controller and that old Master Chief T-shirt that you got with your Halo 2 pre-order all those years ago. But it’s okay: you’re not alone because there are thousands of other gamers out there who are all accessible through the world of online gaming, and almost all of whom are in exactly the same boat as you are.

It’s a widespread stereotype that gamers struggle to get girlfriends and, although this is mostly over-exaggerated, there is a lot of truth in it. Now of course there are gamers out there who are in happy and successful relationships and to those we must offer kudos. To the unfortunate majority, however, we offer help. Why is it that modern gamers struggle to get girlfriends? Surely we are not an inherently unlovable group?

Well the truth is we kind of are, but it’s okay; this status is certainly not permanent and by understanding the problem we may finally be able to get past it. With these five reasons gamers struggle to get girlfriends we can start to work on a solution and then all go on to find ourselves hearty wenches!

Although if I keep talking like that it’s probably going to be a while for me…

5. Their Expectations Are Too High

Think of any memorable female video game character you know. Now think about the words you’d use to describe them. Chances are words like “strong”, “attractive” and perhaps even “perfect” are probably coming to mind now, right? The truth is that most prominent female characters in modern video games have given gamers unrealistic expectations of what kind of girl they want to meet in real life. So let’s take a look at some of the characters responsible for these expectations.

Characters like Mass Effect’s Miranda Lawson exist in the narratives of many modern games, striking that perfect balance of being a useful ally to players, but also a potential love interest for the characters they are playing. In Mass Effect 2, Miranda is just one of Commander Shepard’s romantic options, but she is by far the most popular. Miranda is a human, but has been given numerous augmentations that make her the perfect warrior. She is also very attractive – again the result of her enhancements. She is designed to be perfect, and she is.

Miranda is not the only character like this that exists in modern games. Characters like Tekken’s Anna Williams or the iconic Lara Croft all have the looks, brains and ass-kicking skills to be considered the ideal woman for any modern gamer. The sad truth, though, is that they are not real. Not even close. There are no sexy archaeologist adventuresses out there about to save you from falling rubble in the most meet-cute/nerdgasmic story ever. The sooner we all realise that Lara Croft is not the woman we are going to marry the sooner we can all turn our focus to getting a real woman.

Oh, go on; they can be pretty cool too, you know!

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This article was first posted on November 22, 2012