7 Hilariously Batsh*t Things David "Avocado" Wolfe Believes

7. Conspiracy Theories: Gravity Is A Hoax


David Wolfe hasn’t met a conspiracy theory he didn’t like and the most interesting thing about him is, he doesn’t even try to hide the anus in the middle of his face (It’s where the sh*t comes out). David Wolfe writes like an unmedicated schizophrenic cut up a dictionary, put the pieces in a hat and pulled out random words and thought “F*ck it, good enough” and hit the Publish button on his Facebook statuses.

Most of the conspiracy theories he promotes are pretty stock standard - anti-GMO and anti-“Big Pharma”, the things found in the toolkit of a person who needs to scare people in order to make money, because dead people can’t talk and rationality is for people who read science textbooks.

He believes we have been brainwashed about gravity by Carl Sagan and that gravity is a toxin and by turning yourself on your head you can turn gravity into a cure for arthritis:

Gravity is not intrinsic to matter. That Carl Sagan idea that was sold to us on Cosmos on PBS, was sold to us deliberately to actually confuse us just so you know that. There’s people who have known that gravity is a force that can be displaced. There’s people that have known that since the 50s or even earlier than that. But by screwing up, confusing our mind about things, and giving us incorrect theories we were brain washed into a totally different belief system. That gravity is intrinsic to all matter, we’re fighting gravity, we have to push our way through gravity to launch a craft up into outer space, all this nonsense.

Call Kenny Loggins, because we haven’t even hit the Danger Zone yet Lana.

Posted On: 

Science. Coffee. Metalhead. Woman-shaped Nerd. Must love cats. Sometimes Sober. High-five me at: www.facebook.com/InsufferableIntolerance