7 Hilariously Batsh*t Things David "Avocado" Wolfe Believes

5. Deer Antler Is "Levitational" (No, Really)


David Wolfe has more websites than you've had orgasms and it's because he’s either a raging lunatic or really, really smart person – I honestly can’t tell which. Apart from really crazy conspiracy theories, he also has a really crazy web store – where he sells some really crazy products with descriptions that were written presumably by throwing his keyboard into a woodchipper.

Levitational” Deer antler spray, which has an “androgenic force”. Do I need to elaborate? Yes, of course I do because you lot are sadists and enjoy making me mad. What does David Wolfe have to say about a product he sells for $75 for 2 oz (approx. 56 grams)?

Dear [sic] antler is not a product. It’s a cosmic substance. And it’s an androgenic substance, by the way—very androgenic. And it needs to be taken with respect and understanding, which is why we’ve been getting into this whole thing about estrogenic forces and then androgenic forces. You gotta know that deer antler is an androgenic force. And why? Because it’s cosmic in nature. It’s elevating. It’s levitational in nature. Which actually makes you younger. The forces of levity make you younger. Rudolf Steiner said that we gradually age due to substances in our body that are seized by the earth’s gravity. He could have said anything. He could have said anything at all, but he said that. That’s amazing. Then he said that you want to use the force of levity to drive the force of levity into your body. Then he talks about silica, that silica can be made to be levitational again.” Serious.

Drugs are bad. Don’t do them. Unless you’re my editor, then feel free. I’m sorry I made you nearly drink at 9am. (It's a hazard of the job - Ed.)

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Science. Coffee. Metalhead. Woman-shaped Nerd. Must love cats. Sometimes Sober. High-five me at: www.facebook.com/InsufferableIntolerance