The most recent episode of Doctor Who has raised a serious question here at the WhatCulture! offices, which is better: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship (DOAS) or Snakes on a Plane (SOAP)?
Using a completely unbiased and scientific method, the crack team of me will determine which is better, DOAS or SOAP, based on a cumulative score in three areas: Cast, Creatures and Curses.
DOAS: The Doctor, Nefertiti, Hunter Guy, Amy Pond, Rory Pond and Danish catering officer Olaf Petersen.
SOAP: Samuel “Mother F***’” Jackson
Sam and The Doctor cancel one another out. Nefertiti & Hunter Guy are ho-hum, so no score. Amy Pond and Rory Pond are a big negative, which drags DOAS into the red. Amy for trying to slide into the main character slot, usurping The Doctor. Rory because he’s a bumbling vagina. The series can’t get rid of them fast enough. Luckily Olaf Petersen saves the day. Those of you awesome enough to get the reference understand why.
Score: 1 Point DOAS
DOAS: Dinosaurs – Triceratops, raptors, pterodactyls, ankylosaurus.
Although Dr. Jones vehemently disagrees with me, dinosaurs are the far greater of the reptilian adversaries in these two shows. That’s even taking into account that triceratops are nothing more than gigantic puppy dogs with the instinctual ability to fetch. That is, so long as the ball has grass smell.
Score: 1 Point DOAS
Interestingly enough, whereas neither DOAS nor SOAP have a curse, The Asylum has a film, Snakes on a Train (SOAT), a mockbuster which actually beat SOAP to release, does have an ancient Mayan curse which is the impetus for the story. I’m not really giving anything away that the title of the film doesn’t. Even if I did, if you’ve ever watched an Asylum film you know there’s nothing to give away.
Score: 1 Point SOAT. Considering it wasn’t part of the competition, who cares.
Which brings us to the result. Assuming my math is correct, it looks like DOAS, with 2 points, is the winner. Amazing, really, considering the Doctor didn’t use the magical sonic screwdriver to rig the voting. Or did he?
Next “Which is Better” Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter go head to head in a death-match battle royal. Don’t miss it!
This article was first posted on September 12, 2012