8 Radical Ideas To Save CM Punk

He’ll tell you one and one make three.

CM Punk Lucha Underground
WWE/Luncha Underground

So the great experiment is over, and the UFC and CM Punk have proven that you can’t turn an ageing novice into an elite MMA fighter in two years. So what’s next for the former WWE Champion, one of the most polarising and newsworthy personalities in sports or entertainment?

Other entries in the ‘Radical Ideas To Save…’ series have focused on people, institutions, gimmicks and franchises that are in trouble: whatever the subject of the article might be, there’s a general consensus that an emergency course correction is necessary, and that some off-the-wall, lateral thinking couldn’t hurt.

Right of the bat, I should point out that it’s pretty clear that Phil Brooks doesn’t need 'saving'. He’s a self-made man, self-employed his entire life, who’s parlayed increasingly high profile work with clients like Ring Of Honor, WWE, Marvel and the UFC into a more or less happy and fulfilled life. He’s independently wealthy before the age of forty, and married to the love of his life. Even his dog’s pretty cool.

No, this article is aimed at CM Punk: the fighter, the brand, the character, the cult of personality, if you will. If Phil Brooks wanted to carry on being CM Punk in some fashion, continuing to exploit that name and what value it still holds in the public eye, just what could he do with it?

After the low point of his crushing UFC 203 loss, what positive, remarkable and/or interesting ways are there to rehabilitate ‘CM Punk’ going forward?

8. Going Amateur

CM Punk Lucha Underground
2016 Getty Images

Also bloody facedness, cauliflower earedness and, potentially, busted nosedness. In this alternate reality, Punk picks himself up, dusts himself off and goes on the road trip of a lifetime, the vacation he’s promised April and Larry for months, and when he comes home he goes back to work in the gym again.

Except, this time it wouldn’t be at Roufusport, and it wouldn’t be aiming at a fight in the UFC.

In the UFC 203 post-fight press conference, Punk admitted that had the golden ticket offer from Dana White and Lorenzo Fertitta not arrived in 2014, he’d have been angling at training for a beginning in amateur mixed martial arts. You know, entering the fight game the same way as everyone else: taking the stairs at the ground floor, rather than the VIP elevator to the top.

Well, that’s still an excellent way to continue the life of a trainee fighter. There’s an argument to be made that the UFC didn’t care one way or the other about Punk as a fighter since they booked a freak fight with celebrity crossover potential to bump up the buyrate on a low-level pay-per-view and nothing more.

Fighting in the UFC doesn’t help Punk. Being trucked by guys several levels above him won’t ever make him a better fighter. If the man wants to improve, he needs to get stuck in with more fighters approximating his skill level.

Chicago and its immediate surroundings have a fairly healthy amateur scene, from all reports, and the inclusion of a genuine star could only increase that good health. There’s little to no money in it, of course - but then that’s not really the point. It’s about getting fight experience, not just sparring and training.

If you believe the reports, Punk may be about to be cut from the UFC. If that’s the case, I can’t imagine AJ being keen on the idea of her husband driving the ninety miles to Milwaukee and back every day in perpetuity without a guaranteed payday, and I can’t imagine Punk asking her to be.

Training at home seems the thing to do, with irregular trips to Roufusport here and there for specialist stuff. He could work on becoming a blue belt and beyond, and progress at his own speed without the pressure of a big fight and constant media attention.

But that’s the bloodymindedness of it, that Punk would want to continue fighting and becoming better purely for the sake of it. That he’d chase the rainbow, not because there was a pay-per-view fight and a pot of gold at the end of it, but because he liked the colours.

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Contributor

Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.